


Life Changes

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Canon, Drama, Mpreg, Points of View, Romance, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-09-04
Updated: 2004-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-27 05:59:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 41,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12074922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: What if Brian said he didn't want to have anymore children.  What would Justin do when he finds out he's pregnant.  MPREG!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Justin’s POV

‘Walking into the loft, I’m pulled into Brian’s waiting arms and demanding mouth. He kissed me deeply, searching for something, wanting something. Leaning back from the kiss, gasping for air I gaze into his lust filled hazel eyes. 

“Hey,” I whisper. 

“Hey,” he replies before leaning down and sucking the sensitive flesh of my neck. 

“Oh God Brian,” I moan out as he sucks madly on my neck. 

“I’m going to fuck.you.all.night.long,” he says nipping at my neck on each word. Brian picks me up, throws me over his shoulder, and briskly carries me up to the bedroom. Throwing me down on the bed, he lands hard on top of me, covering me completely from chest to feet. I love the feel of him on top of me, covering me so completely, encased by his warmth. His mouth meets mine in a toe-curling kiss before moving down my body, sucking on my neck. He leans up on his haunches before swiftly pulling my shirt off. I stare up into his face as his eyes devour my body.

“God you are so fucking beautiful,” he whispers before leaning down and sucking one of my nipples into his hot mouth and playing with the other one, pulling on the barbell. 

“Ohhh,” I moan, arching my back into the sensations. He quickly moves down my body sucking and nipping on my over sensitized skin. I feel him get off the bed and my eyes snap open, tracing his every move. He removes his clothing before quickly pulling my shoes and pants off.

“Hard,” he asks breathlessly and I know exactly what he wants. He wants to take me hard and fast, no preparation. I feel my cock throb at his words and I hastily turn over onto my hands and knees, bracing myself for him to take me. I hear the tear of the condom wrapper and then the pop of the lube cap. He shoves two fingers into me and I grunt at the intrusion. He pumps them in a couple of times before adding another finger. I start pressing back against his fingers, fucking myself on them, then they are gone and I’m left feeling empty. 

“Ready,” he asks huskily and I push my ass back toward him demanding him to fuck me. He chuckles quietly before I feel him at my hole and then he’s slamming into me. 

“FUCK,” I yell aloud as the pain rushes through me and then slowly diminishes to only pleasure.   
He pauses for a moment before he pulls back and slams into me. The pace is unrestrained as he moves in and out of me pulling back before slamming back in. All too soon I feel my balls draw up and I’m cumming hard, lights blazing behind my eyes, my body feels like its on fire. But something doesn’t feel right as he collapses on top of me, something feels very, very wrong. We lay there for a couple of minutes trying to catch our breath and I’m trying to figure out what physical sensation that has my mind wandering around aimlessly. Brian sits up, pulling out he starts cursing. 

“SHIT,” he yells. I look over my shoulder, wandering what the fuck is wrong when he holds up the broken condom. I stare at it wide eyed before laying my head against my arms, squeezing my eyes shut. ‘

“DAMNIT Lindsay I said NO. No fucking way am I going to give you another child. I don’t want any more children with you. One is enough,” Brian yells across the table. I stare at him wide eyed at his confession and I feel my heart hammer in my chest, my stomach clenching. I place my hand on my stomach, thinking about the day my life so drastically changed. After the condom broke three months ago, Brian and I immediately went in for HIV testing. We both are negative but just to make sure we both scheduled follow-up tests. I started feeling sick to my stomach and something just didn’t feel right. I thought that I was just coming down with something but it never goes away; every time I eat, I still get nauseous, especially in the morning. I didn’t know what was going on with me. I went to my doctor today and found out some news that will forever change my life. 

‘”So what’s the verdict Dr. Hammond,” I ask. 

“Justin we’ve run every test imaginable and we only came up with one diagnosis. You’re pregnant,” he says in a serious tone. I stare at him opening and closing my mouth a couple of times before I’m able to get my thoughts together. 

“Pregnant,” I ask shocked. It had to have been when the condom broke three months ago.

“Yes,” he confirms.

“How far along,” I ask, the panic setting it. I can’t be pregnant; this isn’t supposed to be something I have worry about. 

“I would say about three months now. Justin because this is a male pregnancy, we’re going to have to watch you more carefully. We’ll have appointments every two weeks and ultrasounds once a week. This is important Justin, you have to make sure to go to all of your appointments and take care of yourself, your body.” I allow him to lead me from the room into an ultrasound where I see my child for the first time. I feel the tears prickle behind my eyes; I try to get control over my emotions as the doctor tells me about my three-month-old fetus. WOW, I’m pregnant. What will Brian say? ’

I feel Brian take my hand in his bringing me from my thoughts. I turn toward him staring at him, caressing his face with my eyes. He doesn’t want any more children, what do I do now. I have no choice I have to leave. I won’t saddle Brian with a child, not one that he doesn’t want. I won’t be one of those women trapping their man when they don’t want to be there. 

“I won’t have another fucking kid with you Lindsay. Justin, come on we’re leaving,” Brian says pulling me from my chair. I can hear Lindsay calling for Brian as we walk through the house but he doesn’t stop, just moves forward a firm grip on my hand as he drags me behind him. 

Brian’s POV

I know something is bothering him but he won’t tell me what. For the last three months, I’ve noticed that he has gained some weight that he’s sick most of the time but he won’t tell me what is going on with him. I feel at a loss, I don’t know how to help him anymore. I’ve tried everything, talking to him, being angry with him, ignoring him but nothing works. If he were sick, I would hope that he would have told me, but I’m not sure that he would. 

Tonight he was off in a different world; he wasn’t paying attention to what was going on around him. I wonder if it’s another man, is he cheating on me. He’s never been like this before so withdrawn. Whatever it is, I hope we can over come it, that we can face it together. We’ve come too far to allow something to tear us apart. I think that’s why I said no to Lindz tonight, I’m in a relationship with Justin now, YES, I said the R word. But I have responsibilities to him, to us. I can’t go making life changes without discussing them with him first and the way Lindz asked was ridiculous, she didn’t even ask in private, she didn’t care about Justin’s feelings regarding it. I honestly don’t think I can go through losing another child, not having any say in its life. I love Gus and yes damnit I’m his father, but I have no say in the way they are raising him or his day-to-day life or his long-term life. I’m only the wallet to Lindz and Melanie and I don’t want to bring another child into this world under those circumstances. I can’t, I won’t. 

One Month Later

Coming home, I call out to Justin as I do everyday. He’s usually always here when I get home. Since graduating from PIFA he’s been extremely busy with painting and art shows but he’s always home when I get there. I look down at my watch and see that it’s almost eight. I look at my cell phone to see if I have any missed calls and I don’t, I look over at the answering machine but there is nothing. I shrug my shoulders thinking that maybe he was stuck in his studio and move toward the bedroom. I notice that the closet door is open and half of it’s empty. I look through the drawers and they are all empty. I feel panic setting in. What happened, where did he go? Why did he leave? Why didn’t he talk to me? I’ve noticed over the last month him pulling away from me, from everyone but damnit we said we would always talk about things. He didn’t talk to me. I move toward the bed and sit down as silent tears run down my face. I can’t breath and my heart hurts. I look around the room when I see a letter sitting on the nightstand in Justin’s elegant scrawl. I press the letter against my face, trying to smell my lover, my partner, my everything. My everything is gone. What do I do now? I open the letter and stare at the words. 

‘I’ll always love you Brian but things change and you have to learn to change with them or walk away. That’s what I’m doing I’m walking away. I’ll love you for the rest of my life and you’ll always be in my heart and in my thoughts. Forever, Justin.’

I don’t understand if he loves me why did he leave me. If he loves me as he says he does, then why did he walk away without talking to me about the changes he was going through? I pull myself off the bed unwilling to dwell in the unchangeable and hop in the shower. I force away all thoughts about Justin as I wash away the grime of the day. But all the memories continue to come back they continue to haunt me. To remind me of what I had and that has left. I climb out of the shower and stare at myself in the mirror. Staring at my reflection, I don’t recognize the man I am now, a man that looks broken. I mentally shake my head trying to gather my thoughts and move toward the bedroom. I dress in my sexiest outfit determined to fuck and suck, losing myself in my pain management. Pain management that I haven’t need in over a year. 

Arriving at Babylon I make my way toward the bar where all my friends are holding up. I don’t say anything to them and I order a double, slamming it back before ordering another. 

“Hey what’s going on Brian,” Mikey asks. I look at him closely before deciding to tell the truth. It can’t stay hidden. 

“Justin left me,” I say. 

“WHAT,” they all ask in shock. 

“He left me,” I say again throwing back another shot. 

“Brian,” Mikey says but I wave him off and go to the backroom. I don’t need to feel anything but the pleasure of the release. 

 

Justin’s POV

I stare across the room at Brian from my place on the catwalk. I don’t know why I came here tonight, why I had to see him one last time. But while I was packing my things today and I couldn’t stop crying, the pain was unbearable. But I’m doing this for him, I have to be strong for him, I have to do this for him. I have to do this for Brian. I have to save him from me, from my child. I know he doesn’t want another child, what he said to Lindsay confirmed that, but I can’t help but wonder if I’m hurting Brian more by doing this, by lying to him. I watch as he walks into the backroom and see that he’s already reverting to the life he had before me. I feel my heart shatter and I realize that it I have done it; I have accomplished what I needed to do. I turn and walk down the catwalk and walk right into somebody. 

“Sorry,” I mutter moving around them. 

“Justin,” the voice says. I look up into the face and I’m surprised to see Michael standing there, his face turning from surprise to anger. I walk around him trying to get out of there, as fast as possible I can’t deal with the hurt that I’ll see there. Michael and I have become friends over the last five years, but now, I’ve ruined everything, I have abandoned my family. Left them for good. As I feel the fresh cold air hit my face, I’m jolted back to reality and what I’ve just done. I look around and see a couple embracing and I realize that I’ll never have that again with the man that I love. I’ll never get to hold him in my arms, kiss him, or make love to him. My knees feel weak and I sit down on the stairs trying to get a hold of my labored breath. I know I did the right thing but I didn’t know that it would hurt this bad. 

“What the fuck is going on,” I hear someone say from behind me. I turn to look over my shoulder and I see Michael standing there, his eyes blazing with anger. I shake my head, I can’t tell Michael what’s going on, he would tell Brian. 

“Nothing Michael, I couldn’t take it anymore so I left, I left,” I say without much conviction. 

“I know, Brian already told us. I want to know why Justin, now tell me what is going on,” he demands sitting next to me. 

“It’s nothing you need to be worried about Michael. I have to go,” I say shaking his hand off and standing up. I take one last look at him before walking down the stairs and hailing a cab. It’s time for us to start over, to start new. I’m doing that now for me and this baby growing inside of me. 

Arriving at my new apartment, I shed my clothes before climbing into bed exhausted. I feel the tears start to well up in my eyes before uncontrollable sobs rip through my body. I hold onto the extra pillow, pulling it toward my body, wishing it were Brian in my arms. That it was he that was holding me, comforting me instead of this pillow. I cry myself into a restless sleep. 

Waking up to the annoying buzzing of my alarm clock, I feel a wave of nausea wash over me and I run to the bathroom. After praying to the porcelain god I quickly get ready for my meeting with Michael. Before any of this happened we had scheduled to meet for the fifth issue of Rage but now all I want to do is crawl back under the covers. Pushing those thoughts aside, I climb into the shower, ready to destroy the rest of my life. 

An hour later, I stand outside of the comic book store, staring into the windows, I don’t know if I have the strength to walk in there but I have no choice. Taking a deep breath, I grasp the handle, pull it open, and walk inside. 

“What the fuck are you doing here,” Michael sneers at me. 

“We had a meeting to go over the next issue of Rage,” I answer. I know that he is mad at me and he has every right to be but it still fucking hurts. 

“There won’t be a next issue. Not with you leaving Brian,” Michael replies. I grasp the edge of the counter trying to stabilize myself. 

“So kill JT off,” I answer. I don’t want that to happen, I want to see Rage and JT live together in a loving relationship, I want some part of our memory to remain but I don’t want our dream to die either. I need some connection to the past. 

“Are you out of your fucking mind,” he yells at me and I take a step back, trying to escape his anger. I knew that he would be angry but I don’t know if I can deal with this, not right now. 

“Right…well…um, I’ll go then,” I say turning to make my escape but before I can get the door open, I feel a hand on my arm. 

“Justin, please just tell me what the fuck is going on. You would never destroy Brian like that. You love him, I know you do and last night you ripped both of your hearts out. Please just fucking tell me,” he begs. 

“I can’t Michael please just leave it alone,” I plead with him. 

“NO, I will not fucking leave it alone,” he says dragging me into the back room. 

“Michael get the fuck off me,” I say trying to move out of his grasp but he holds on tighter until we reach his office where he hurls me across the room and into the sofa. I immediately reach for my stomach, protecting it from any unseen attacks. 

“YOU ASSHOLE,” I yell at him, tears running down my cheeks, I try to stand up to leave but he pushes me back down into the couch. 

“You are not leaving until you tell me what is going on,” he says quietly. I stare up into his face for a couple of minutes before lowering my eyes to the ground. 

“I can’t tell you because if I do, you’ll tell Brian,” I reply quietly. 

“Nothing you say will leave this room, now please tell me so I can help you,” he pleads with me sitting beside me. The tears continue to fall and I try to reel in my emotions so that I can talk but everything that I say comes out in gasps. 

“Four months ago the condom broke. We were fine both tested and everything but I started to feel sick, constantly. I went to the doctor a month ago and they told me that I was pregnant, that night over dinner, Lindsay asked Brian to donate more sperm for another child, but Brian refused saying he didn’t want to be a father. So I did the only thing that I could, I walked away from him. I wasn’t going to burden him with my shit, with our child. He doesn’t want to be a father again, I couldn’t trap him with me, I couldn’t hurt him that way,” I say sobbing. Michael pulls me into his arms and holds me as the tears fall down my face. 

“You really love him don’t you,” he whispers. 

“Did you ever doubt it,” I reply with a shaky voice. 

“Why don’t you tell him? He has a right to know Justin.”

“Because like I said, he would stay with me for the child, just like his old man, I won’t do that to him.”

“You don’t have to do this alone Justin,” Michael says squeezing my shoulder. 

“Yea I do. I don’t have anybody. Daphne moved to New York, my mom moved to California with her fiancé, I’m all alone,” I say pitifully. 

“Justin, you aren’t alone. You have the family, you have me,” he says softly. 

“No you were all Brian’s family first and I couldn’t do that to him, to any of you.”

“Justin, you don’t have to tell anybody if you don’t want to. But let me be there for you, let Ben and I be there for you. You can’t do this alone,” he says pulling me tighter against him. I feel oddly comforted by Michael’s needs to be there for me, to help me through this. 

“I can’t Michael; you are Brian’s best friend.”

“And you are my little brother. I’ll be there for you, Ben and I both will.”

 

Brian’s POV

I remember that night so clearly, the night that my life changed and not for the better. Justin walked away from me. He never discussed anything with me, not how he was feeling or needed. He just walked. It reaffirms what I’ve always believed, that love is bullshit. I haven’t seen Justin in over a month, I haven’t held him in my arms, or kissed his soft beautiful lips, made love to him. I miss him with every fiber of my being; I want to hold him again, talk to him about our bullshit days, I just want to be with him again. 

This month has been nothing but endless tricks, booze, and drugs. I thought that the normal pain management methods would work but nothing works, nothing takes the pain away that is ripping through my heart. I just wish I understood what happened, why he didn’t talk to me, why he stopped loving me. 

I’ve tried to go back to the old days with the guys but it doesn’t work that way anymore, even Michael is too busy to be with me, to help me, to be my friend. I miss him but I understand that his responsibilities are to Ben, to his relationship with him. I just wish that I could have that, have that love and bond that you can only feel with one person. 

I shake my head out of my thoughts, out of my depressing life. I have to get my shit together, I have to stop this pain, this agonizing that when nothing will ever happen, will ever change. I’ll always be alone in this world. Walking down Liberty Avenue, I run into Ben and Justin. 

“Hey where’s Mikey,” I ask Ben. Justin stops and looks at me before hastily walking away without another word. 

“He’s at the store,” he says watching Justin walk away. I’m tempted to turn and look but I don’t, I can’t. It’s hurts too much, I thought seeing him would lessen the pain but it has only grown. 

“How…how is he,” I ask quietly. 

“I can’t really talk about it Brian but I care about Justin and you have a right to know what’s going on. Justin needs you but he loves you so damn much that he walked away. For you,” Ben says. 

“What the fuck are you talking about,” I demand. What the fuck are they talking about, why does Justin need me?

“You have to talk to Justin,” Ben says before walking away. I stare at him as he walks in the same direction as Justin, out of my line of sight. What is he talking about, what do I need to talk to Justin about? Why does he need me? Why all the lies? Whatever it is, it can wait, I don’t need this shit now. I don’t need to think about my…Justin walking away from me, destroying me. 

Walking down the street, I decide to head over to the comic book store and talk to Mikey. He’s the only one in the family that knows anything; he’s the only one that still sees Justin. But when I arrive at the store, he isn’t there, the store is closed, I decide to get a drink before heading to his apartment, I turn and walk toward Woody’s. I wonder why he has closed his store early, that isn’t like him. 

Two hours later, I knock on Mikey’s door and wait impatiently for it to open. Ben opens the door looking shocked to see me but quickly steps away to invite me in. 

“Where’s Mikey,” I ask looking around the living room

“Ben how was yoga today,” Mikey yells out from the kitchen. 

“It was good, we had a good workout,” Ben replies smiling slightly; completely ignoring that I’m there. 

“Yea Justin says he’s enjoying going to yoga although it isn’t the normal strenuous activity he’s used to,” Mikey says with a chuckle. 

“I don’t know if he can match that level of activity right now,” Ben says with a chuckle. 

“Yea, I know what you mean; he’s over here worried about his body. He’s already showing and when he really pops out, who would want an old, stretched out flabby body,” Mikey says with a chuckle. 

“Shut up you ass, I can still beat the shit out of you. Ben, I’m going to hit your worse half,” Justin says with a laugh. 

“What the fuck is going on,” I ask Ben. He looks at me with surprise. I guess he forgot that I was even here. 

“Seriously Ben, we are going to have to get the boy counseling for his weight gain. He’s completely losing his shit,” Mikey says setting the table. When Ben doesn’t respond he looks up and his eyes go wide with shock when he sees me. He quickly turns back to the kitchen then back to me. 

“Brian, you have to get out of here,” Mikey says in a quiet voice. 

“I don’t think so. I want to know what the fuck is going on, NOW,” I say through clenched teeth. 

“Michael, maybe they should talk,” Ben says. 

“No it isn’t what Justin wants. Brian, please leave,” he says moving toward me.

“NO, I will not leave until I fucking talk to JUSTIN,” I yell, moving away from Michael. I see Justin walk out of the kitchen wiping his hands on a dishtowel. He stares at me, and then turns his attention to Michael and Ben. 

“We don’t have anything to say to each other Brian, so please just leave or I will,” he says looking down at the ground. 

“I think we have plenty to talk about, like WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON,” I yell moving toward him. 

“Fine, fucking talk Brian, but stop yelling before the neighbors call the police,” Justin says angrily. 

“What the fuck is going on,” I demand. 

“None of your fucking business,” Justin answers back. 

“Justin you should sit down, this stress isn’t good for you,” Ben says walking over to Justin, putting his hand on his shoulder. I want to rip that hand off and shove it up his ass. 

“This is what I’m talking about,” I say through clenched teeth, my hands balled up in fists at my side. 

“It doesn’t concern you Brian.”

“The hell it doesn’t. I thought you left me because you need a change but then someone told me that you needed me, that you still loved me. Please just tell me what is going on,” I beg. He stares at me for a few minutes before lowering his teary eyes. 

“I’m pregnant,” he says softly. WHAT THE FUCK

“HUH,” I ask. 

“I said I’m pregnant,” he says a little louder. How could this be? What the fuck is going on?

“Huh,” I ask again, still not believing it. 

“Jeeze Brian. He said he was fucking pregnant. What part of that don’t you understand,” Mikey said moving toward Justin. 

“How, who’s the…uh…father,” I ask hesitantly. 

“You are you asshole. I’ve never let anyone top me but you. It happened when the condom broke, we were concerned about STD’s and HIV when we should have been concerned about my fucking ass getting pregnant,” Justin replies angrily. I stare at them as the information sinks in; I turn, and walk out the door. I don’t listen to their pleas to stay I just walk away. Like Justin did. 

Justin’s POV

I watch as the man I love walk out of the apartment and I feel like my whole world is spinning off its axis. I don’t know what to do, I never wanted him to find out, but I knew that I could never hide it from him either. I need to get away, as far away from all of this as possible. 

“I’m…I’m going to go home,” I say with teary eyes. I stand up and move toward the door but before I can even move the room goes black and I feel myself falling.


	2. Life Changes

Michael’s POV

“OH Shit Justin,” I say running over to him. I check to make sure that he’s still breathing and I’m happy to find that he is. 

“Ben call 911 and call his OB,” I say. Ben already has the phone in his hand as he hurriedly makes the calls to take care of my friend. I didn’t think that I would ever call Justin my friend but over the last five years we’ve come to a truce but it’s been the last month that I’ve come to love him dearly and respect him for everything that he has done and is doing.

I sit with Justin’s head in my lap, running my fingers through his beautiful blond hair. 

“He has to be okay Ben,” I say crying. Ben comes and sits behind me, wrapping me in his arms. 

“He will be Baby, he will be,” Ben says soothingly. We sit in silence as we hold Justin in our arms, hoping that he will regain consciousness. 

He doesn’t regain consciousness when the ambulance arrives or on the ride to the hospital or as we sit in the waiting room all night, waiting for word. Around six in the morning, the doctor comes to tell us that he’s awake. Ben and I walk quickly down the halls to his room where Justin is lying on the bed, looking extremely small. 

“Hey,” I say sitting down beside him, running my hand through his hair. 

“Hey,” he replies. 

“You really scared us,” Ben says sitting on his other side, holding his hand. 

“Sorry,” he says softly, closing his eyes. “Do you know what is going on, what happened?”

“No, they wouldn’t tell us,” Ben says. The doctor walks into the room and sees us with Justin and smiles slightly. 

“Justin, you were admitted last night because of exhaustion and your blood pressure was too high,” he says standing at the end of the bed. 

“What can I do,” Justin asks with tears in his eyes. 

“You’ll need to get more rest. I don’t recommend you working for the rest of the pregnancy and you need to keep your stress levels down. I also recommend that you change your diet and your activity level. In addition, last night we couldn’t discuss your case with your friends and we wouldn’t have been able to get anyone to sign authorization papers if we had to do anything life sustaining for you or your baby. I think that it would be wise to have someone have power of attorney in the case you aren’t able to communicate your needs or wants,” he says looking directly at Justin. 

“Dr. Hammond, I have a POA. Michael did you guys bring my bag with you,” Justin asks. I nod my head and retrieve his backpack for him. He pulls out two sealed envelopes, he hands one to the doctor and one to Ben and me. I open the envelope and my eyes go wide. He has named Ben and I his POA. In his inability to make decisions, we are to make them for him but we are to consider the welfare of the baby before his. In the case that he is to die, Ben and I are to raise the child as our own. I stare at the paperwork, my eyes watering with the amount of trust that he has in us and the amount of love that he has for his child. 

“Are you sure,” I ask. He nods his head staring at me. 

“What about Brian,” Ben asks after reading the papers. 

“He walked out remember, I want this child to be loved unconditionally and if I can’t do it, I know that the two of you will,” Justin says softly, tears running down his face. 

“It won’t come to that Justin; you’re going to be fine.” I say caressing his face. 

“Thank you for the documentation Justin, we’ll make sure to put it in your file, now let’s discuss the changes that need to be made,” Dr. Hammond says. We continue to discuss all the things Justin needs to do, including moving in with someone. He’ll be moving in with Ben and me and taking it easy. Luckily, he had his last show last month and doesn’t have another one scheduled for a year. He hasn’t started looking for any other job so he won’t have to quit anywhere.

A week later Justin has moved into our apartment and is taking very good care of himself. He’s following the doctor’s orders to the ‘t’. He’s eating healthier and doing relaxation yoga from the apartment. Either Ben or I go to his doctor appointments with him to make sure he makes it there and back okay. I had taken a couple of days off work but it was time for me to return and I was hesitant to leave him alone. 

“Michael, I’ll be fine, now go open the store and sell our comic book,” he says with a smile. I look at him closely, looking for any sign that he wasn’t feeling good and when I didn’t find any, I left him alone in the apartment and went to work. 

Brian’s POV

I’ve waited over a week to talk to Michael. To calm down enough to talk to him without ripping his head off, for keeping Justin’s secret, for betraying our friendship. I arrive at the comic book store a little after 12:00. I walk in to the store but I don’t see Michael anywhere. 

“Mikey,” I call out leaning against the counter. 

“What are you doing here,” Michael asks coming from the back. 

“I wanted to talk to you. To see how Justin and the…the baby are doing,” I say hesitantly. 

“They are fine, not that you fucking care,” he sneers at me. This is a Michael that I haven’t seen in a long, long time and never directed at me. 

“I asked didn’t I,” I say angrily, allowing my anger to get the better of me. 

“Yea, well you should have stopped pushing the other night. You should have left when we asked you to but no, the great Brian Kinney had to have his own way,” he sneers at me. 

“I had a right to know. As my best friend you should have fucking told me.”

“Why did you have a right to know, so that you could turn your back on him and walk out? That’s why he didn’t tell you, why I didn’t tell you,” he replies his voice softer. 

“Since when are you in Justin’s corner? You’ve always been on his case, bullying him,” I reply. 

“Since I realized how much he truly loves you,” Michael answers. I scoff at his words but he shoots me a look.

“Don’t you wonder why he walked away, to raise your child alone? It’s because you didn’t want any more children. It’s because he loves you enough to walk away, not force himself and the child on you, not to trap you with a child you don’t want. He wasn’t even going to tell me but I begged him to, I promised him I wouldn’t say anything to you. That’s when he told me he planned to raise this child alone, to allow you to have your freedom and reputation. I couldn’t let him do that. He loves you more than anything in this world; he gave up his happiness for you. That’s when I realized that I didn’t hate him. I just thought he was using you. I love him like a little brother and no matter what you say I’m not abandoning him now, not ever,” he says passionately. 

“Where did he get the idea that I wouldn’t love this child, that I wouldn’t love him,” I ask sadly. 

“The night of the munchers’ party you said you didn’t want any more kids. He had just found out that he was pregnant and you had confirmed his fears of not wanting any more children.”

“Fuck! Yes, I said I didn’t want any more children but I meant with Lindsay. They wouldn’t allow me to have any day-to-day rights with the child, just as they don’t with Gus. It nearly killed me to sign over my rights once; I don’t think I could do it again. That and she had no right to ask the way she did, she should have talked to Justin and I in private. Justin had a right to be asked, he’s my…was my partner. He has a right to be a part of any life changing decisions to be a part all of my life not just a piece,” I reply, feeling my emotions coming to close to the surface. 

“He didn’t understand that, I don’t think any of us did. That’s why he walked away because he loves you enough to let you go.”

“What can I do,” I ask him. He seems to know what’s going on with Justin better than anyone else does. I have to find away to get him back. 

“It’s too late right now Brian. He can’t handle the stress, he was already in the hospital for two days because his blood pressure got too high,” Michael says shaking his head. 

“Why the fuck didn’t you call me,” I demand. 

“Because you walked out, YOU turned your back on him. We didn’t think you would care,” Michael replies harshly. 

“I was surprised but that doesn’t mean I don’t care what happens to him, to my baby,” I say. 

“In time Brian but right now he needs no stress. Trust me, in time, I think you guys can patch up your relationship, but right now, he can’t handle it. And you can’t fucking hurt him, if you do I’ll kick your fucking ass,” he says. I stare at him for a moment before turning and walking out of the store. What am I going to do, how do I get my partner back, my child?

Justin’s POV

It’s been two weeks since I’ve seen Brian and I miss him everyday but I know that I’m doing the right thing. I love him more than ever but I won’t force this on him, I won’t make him be a parent if he doesn’t want to be. 

“Hey Justin, you coming with us to the family dinner,” Michael asks. I look at him for a minute before shaking my head no. 

“Come on Justin, you haven’t seen the family in almost two months, I think you should come,” Michael says. 

“I’m not ready Michael and I’m tired. I think I’m just going to stay here and sleep,” I reply lying down on the couch. 

“Do you want one of us to stay with you,” he asks. 

“No you two go out and enjoy yourselves, I’ll be ok.” 

“Okay if you’re sure.” I look up at him and smile, nodding my head. I hear the door close softly behind them before I turn my eyes back to the ceiling. I don’t know what I’m going to do, how I’m going to handle everything. I think that once I have the baby, maybe I should move away. It’ll be hard at first but will be better for the baby and me. It’ll be hard, not having anybody with me, but in the end, it will probably be best. I will have to have paperwork drawn up giving me full custody of the child. I won’t terminate Brian’s parental rights, I saw what that did for him when he did that for Gus, I won’t do that to him, I won’t cause him that much pain. But I need to have sole custody of my child too, I can’t take the chance of Brian taking the baby away from me or charging me with kidnapping. I need to look up the laws about parental rights, how will this impact my child? Standing up I try to move toward the computer but the room starts spinning and I move to sit back down on the couch. I rest for a couple of minutes before standing up again, but it’s the same effect and I can’t catch my breath. I reach over to the coffee table and quickly call 911; I can’t take any chances, what if something is wrong with my baby. I can’t lose her now. I just can’t. 

I layback on the couch with my eyes closed not thinking about anything, just relaxing, controlling my breathing. About fifteen minutes later, there is a knock at the door. 

“It’s open,” I yell. I hear the door open and two paramedics come in. 

“Justin Taylor,” one of the paramedics asks. I nod my head, trying to control the wave of exhaustion and dizziness. I quickly explain what is going on and they start pricking my fingers for blood and checking my blood pressure. 

“Your blood pressure is elevated and you are wheezing is really bad right now, we need to get you to the hospital,” the paramedic says. One of them gently pick me up and place me on the gurney. They start rolling me out of the room and the exhaustion takes over as I succumb to the blackness. 

Michael’s POV

We had just sat down to dinner and started talking about what is going on in our lives when Lindsay brings up a subject that would have been better left unsaid. 

“So has anyone heard from Justin,” she asks with her superior wasp voice. Since Justin ran out on Brian, she has been begging and pleading for Brian to give her another baby, that he can keep his parental rights and be a parent. But he remains steadfast in his decision not to give in to her demands. Because of Brian’s unwillingness to give her a child, she has turned her anger toward Justin, believing that he is the reason for Brian’s unwillingness. 

“He’s fine,” Ben replies. Everyone turns to look at him in shock and I smile slightly at him, wondering why the fuck he said anything at all. 

“How do you know?” “Where is he?” “What’s wrong with the little shit?” Are all asked by various members of the family. I look over at Brian and he is staring at us with sad eyes and I want to take him in my arms, tell him to go and get his man but I have to remember Justin and everything that he has already been through. 

“He’s doing okay. He’s dealing with a lot right now,” Ben answers everyone. 

“I bet he is,” Lindsay replies. I shoot her a look, telling her to shut the fuck up but she ignores me and continues.

“I mean the little shit pushes his way into our lives and then leaves Brian, Gus, all of us without a word and we should all wonder how he’s doing. I say good fucking riddance.” Before I can say anything, my cell phone rings and I tune out the rest of the conversation going on around me. 

“This is Michael,” I say answering the phone. 

“Yes this is Michael Novotany,” I reply, answering the person’s question. 

“WHAT! What happened? Yes, I’m on my way,” I say ending the call and standing up. Everyone is quiet around me but I pay them no attention as I turn toward Ben. 

“We have to go now,” I say. He looks deep in my eyes and I can see the fear there when he realizes what I’m talking about. 

“What the fuck is going on,” Ma demands. 

“Nothing Ma, we have someone we have to see to right away. I’ll talk to you later,” I say leaving the kitchen. Ben follows right behind me as we hear the family ask questions, but my only concern is getting to Justin, making sure that he’s okay. 

“It’s Justin isn’t it,” Brian asks as we reach the living room. I turn around to look at him and nod my head. 

“He’s in the hospital again,” I answer him. 

“I’m coming with you,” he says grabbing his leather jacket off the back of the couch. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Ben says.

“I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK. HE’S MY PARTNER,” Brian yells walking out of the house. Everyone starts following us, demanding to know what’s going on but Ben and I hurry out of the house and jump into the jeep with Brian. I look behind us and see the cars start pulling out and following us and I wonder how Justin is going to take the news.

When we finally reach the hospital, I run up the emergency desk.

“Justin Taylor,” I ask. 

“And you are,” the nurse asks. 

“I’m his friend and I also have power of attorney. We both do,” I say looking to Ben. 

“The doctor will come out and see you in a minute,” the nurse says picking up the phone. I turn and start pacing the waiting room, wanting to know what the fuck is going on now. 

“What do you mean both of you have POA,” Brian demands. He’s angry; I can see it in his eyes. 

“Justin had papers drawn up before he was admitted to the hospital the first time. He named Ben and I power of attorney in case anything ever happened and he couldn’t make decisions,” I answer him. The family all files into the room and they are staring at me with wide eyes. 

“What the fuck is going on Michael,” Ma demands but before I can answer, the doctor comes out. 

“Hi Michael, Ben,” Dr. Hammond says moving toward me. 

“Hi Dr. Hammond how is he,” I ask. 

“Come back to his room with me, we have some things to discuss,” Dr. Hammond says turning back toward the door. Ben and I quickly follow and Brian is right behind us. 

“I’m sorry Brian, I don’t think that it would be a good idea,” I say stopping him. 

“Who’s he,” Dr. Hammond asks. 

“He’s Justin’s partner and the father of the baby,” Ben answers. There’s a gasp from the family and they start asking questions but we don’t listen to any of them. 

“If he’s going to cause him any stress, then I think he shouldn’t come back,” Dr. Hammond says. 

“Listen Doctor, Justin is my lover and you aren’t keeping me away from him. But I promise not to cause him any stress please take us to him,” Brian demands. All I can think is Oh shit. 

We walk swiftly through the hallways until we reach Justin’s private room. Entering the room, I see Justin lying motionless on the bed, a variety of machines attached to him. 

“Hey,” Justin says looking over at me. 

“What the hell happened to you Justin, when we left you were fine,” I ask moving toward him, taking his hand in my own. 

“Not so fine I guess,” he says. 

“What’s going on,” Ben asks. 

“His blood pressure was elevated again but we also found the reason for his exhaustion and dizziness. He’s contracted gestational diabetes. Since we’ve been monitoring what he’s eating, he’s going to have to begin insulin shots for the duration of the pregnancy. His lungs are compressed so he isn’t able to get a full breath of air and his asthma is getting worse. This baby is wrecking havoc on Justin’s body,” Dr Hammond replies. 

“What do you suggest,” I ask him. 

“Is there anything that is causing you stress. I know that you’re an artist and you promised me that you wouldn’t be working. I trust that you have no new shows that you didn’t tell me about,”

“No, I haven’t been working. I mean sure I sketch, it’s like breathing to me. But I’m not stressed over work or any shows,” Justin explains and I know immediately what is causing his stress and I look over my shoulder at Brian. 

“Do you know what is causing it then,” the doctor asks. 

“Yea, I do,” Justin answers quietly tears running down his cheeks. 

“Then I think you should address what ever it is immediately, if you can’t then I think we need to get you on some anti depressants. It won’t affect the baby as long as it’s in a low dose. For the remainder of the pregnancy I think you should stay home and rest, you only have about three more months of pregnancy before we can deliver, maybe sooner than that. We’ll start testing the baby’s lungs at 30 weeks to see when they are fully developed. In addition, I want to do an amniocentesis on you; it will allow us to see if the baby has any genetic diseases and an ultrasound to determine the baby’s development. We’ll have to monitor your eating more closely, no more exercising, insulin injections two times a day, breathing treatments four times a day. You’ll need to take an oral steroid, Prednisone, to help your lungs but you’ll have to stay away from anybody that is sick because your immune system will be lower, and we’ll set you up with a machine so I can monitor your baby’s heartbeat and movements from the office.”

“Okay, I’ll do everything you say,” Justin says without hesitation. 

“What are Justin’s chances of survival,” Brian asks and I cringe inwardly when Justin’s body tenses, his heart rate increasing on the machine. The doctor notices this and moves to Justin’s side. 

“Are you ok Justin,” the doctor asks. 

“Yea,” Justin say softly, breathing deeply trying to get his heart rate to slow down. 

“Justin should be okay and survive the pregnancy and delivery. We’ll deliver via cesarean section and then monitor him closely. We’ll check him out on the inside and if he wants, fix it where he can’t have anymore children,” Dr. Hammond explains. 

“So with everything you suggested, he should be okay,” Brian asks. 

“Yes if he does everything, he’ll be fine. It’s not going to be an easy road, but Justin, I won’t allow anything to happen to you or your baby, we’ll do everything to keep you both safe and healthy,” Dr. Hammond says to Justin. 

“Thanks,” he says his eyes watering. 

“Why don’t you gentleman leave and let our patient get some sleep. I’ll release him in about two or three hours,” Dr. Hammond says leaving the room. 

“You okay Justin,” Ben asks standing beside him. 

“Yea just tired,” he says his eyes closing. 

“Then sleep, we’ll be here,” I say quietly. Brian is standing at the foot of the bed, softly rubbing the top of Justin’s foot. 

“Can you give us a moment please,” Brian asks. 

“Justin,” Ben asks. 

“Yea, it’s okay,” Justin whispers. Ben and I look at each other before leaving them alone. I just hope everything is okay. Ben and I close the door behind us but stay in the hallway in case he needs us. 

Brian’s POV

“Are you okay Jus,” I ask sitting on the bed beside him. 

“Yea, I’m okay,” he says opening his eyes to look at me. “Why are you here Brian,” he asks in a small voice. 

“I love you Justin and I want to be with you and our baby,” I say caressing his face. 

“But I thought that you didn’t want any more children Brian, that’s why I let you go,” he says. 

“I don’t want any more children with Lindsay. I don’t want her to take that child away from me too. It hurts that I can’t be a full time parent to Gus, that I don’t have a say in the way they are raising him. I won’t bring another child into that. And the way she asked, with no concern about your feelings or desires was bullshit. She doesn’t take into consideration our relationship and it hurts and pisses me off. That’s why I said no to her. But Justin, it has nothing to do with you, with us. I want our child, I want you, I want us to be a family. Please Justin, give that to me, let me be our child’s other father, your partner. Please don’t take that away from me.” I beg of him. I don’t want to lose him. I can’t lose him. This is my chance to become the man I want to be, to love him with everything that I am, to be a real father. I want that, I want this. 

“Are you sure Bri,” he asks with tears in his eyes. 

“More sure than anything Justin,” I say softly, running my fingers through his hair. 

“I’m so sorry Brian, I should have told you but I didn’t want you to stay with us out of obligation, I didn’t want to turn into your mother with you hating me. I love you so much and I’m sorry that I hurt you and lied to you,” he says trying to hold back his sobs. I pull him up into my arms, holding him to me. 

“It’s okay Justin, but please don’t hide anything from me again. Let’s face everything together. I love you so much,” I whisper against the top of his head. I hold him tightly against my body until I feel his breathing slow down and even out. I gently lay him down and study his beautiful face before moving my eyes lower, taking in the subtle changes in his body. The hospital gown is pulled taunt over his stomach and you can see the bulge there. I gently caress his stomach, covering it with my large hands. 

“I love your daddy very much and I love you,” I whisper again his belly, rubbing my cheek against the hard bulge. I realize I never talked to Gus when he was inside of Lindsay, I already knew that she was going to take him away from me, I guess I never wanted to get attached. But this is my child, my baby and I want to be here for every moment of this pregnancy and its life. 

“Brian,” I hear Michael say behind me and I wipe my tears and turn toward him but leave my hand on Justin’s stomach. 

“Yea,” I ask. 

“I think we should go into the waiting room. We have a room full of people wanting to know what’s going on,” he says softly. I can see he’s happy with this development, his eyes are sparkling, and he’s trying not to smile. I smile my best smile at him, gently kiss Justin’s stomach, and then kiss his lips softly. We have so much time to make up for but we have all the time in the world. 

“I love you,” I whisper before turning toward my friend. 

“Let’s go Mikey,” I say wrapping my arms around his shoulder and lead him out of the room. I finally feel like the weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I’m able to breath easily without feeling like the boulder is going to crush me at any minute. When we reach the waiting room, everyone is there Debbie, Vic, Emmett, Ted, Lindsay, Melanie, and Gus. I smile at my little boy and then think of the new baby that I have on the way and my lover that is going to come home. 

“What are you smiling for? What’s wrong with Sunshine,” Debbie demands. 

“Justin is going to be okay and should be released in three or four hours. They just want to watch him for a little bit longer,” Michael says. I look over at him and furrow my brows slightly at him talking about my partner, but then I remember Mikey has been there for Justin since the beginning. I’m happy those two have been able to build a bond, a true friendship. 

“Well what’s wrong with him? He doesn’t have HIV does he,” Lindsay asks without concern.

“No he fucking doesn’t have HIV. He’s pregnant and he’s having a hard pregnancy,” I answer shooting her a look. 

“WHAT,” they all yell and I smile at their reaction. 

“He’s pregnant. He’s almost six months but it’s been very rough on him,” Ben answers. 

“Dr. Hammond, Justin’s OB, said that he’s going to be okay. His blood pressure is high and he’ll need to stay stress free for the duration of the pregnancy. He also has gestational diabetes and his asthma is getting pretty bad but we’re taking measures to ensure that he and the baby are okay,” I say. 

“What are you going to do with…it,” Lindsay asks disgusted. 

“What the fuck do you mean Lindsay,” Michael asks angrily. 

“Well, we know Brian doesn’t want to be a father and Justin is just a baby himself and has no right to be raising a child by himself. So are you going to give ‘IT’ up for adoption? Maybe Melanie and I will be willing to adopt ‘IT’,” she says with her wasp arrogance. I clench my fists at my sides trying to control the anger welling up inside of me. 

“We are going to raise it together,” I say through clenched teeth. 

“But I thought…” she starts to say. 

“No Lindsay, I said I didn’t want to have another child with you. This baby Justin and I are going raise together,” I reply trying to regain control of my anger. 

“But you don’t know how to raise a child and you said you didn’t want to be a father. And Justin, he just a flaky trick that has no right raising a child with you or anybody else,” she says with authority. 

“Lindsay that’s enough; Brian and Justin love each other and THEY are having a baby. They’ll raise him or her together like you and Melanie are raising Gus, together,” Ben says shooting a glare at Lindsay. I smile over at him in silent thanks.

“Why didn’t he tell us? Why has he been hiding?” Debbie asks me sadly. 

“Because he heard what I said to Lindsay about not wanting any more children with HER and thought I meant in general. He left me so that I could continue with my wicked ways because he loves me enough to do what he thought was best for me. By leaving me, he left all of us except for Michael and Ben who wouldn’t let him leave,” I say smiling over at them.

“But Brian, we already have a child together, do you think it’s a good idea for you to have two kids that aren’t from the same parents? I mean come on Brian, how do you think Gus is going to feel when he sees his sister living with you and not him,” Lindsay says trying to play her manipulation. 

“We want this child Lindsay and it’s a little late to be concerned about having two children from different parents, he’s already pregnant. Besides wasn’t Melanie going to carry this child not you. And I have no rights to Gus, you and Melanie assured that. I’ll always love Gus, he’ll always be my son but you and Mel are his parents not me. This is my child Lindz, can’t you understand that,” I say. 

“No I can’t understand that. You have never wanted to be a full time parent; he’s only doing this to trap you. Why are you doing this? Are you trying to punish me for taking Gus away? Come on Brian, you don’t want this type of life. You should give the baby up for adoption and keep Gus as your only child,” she says her confidence breaking. 

“Listen Lindsay, I don’t know what the fuck your problem is but this has nothing to do with you. I’m with Justin because I LOVE HIM, I’m IN LOVE WITH HIM. He isn’t trying to do anything to me, he walked away when he thought that was what was best for me, what I wanted. We are raising this child together as a family like you, Melanie and Gus. Now back the fuck off,” I say turning around and walking out of the room. 

Justin’s POV

I wake up and feel the warmth of someone else’s hand in my own; I smile with my eyes still closed and turn my head toward the body attached to my own. 

“Brian,” I whisper. 

“I’m here Justin,” he says squeezing my hand. I open my eyes and stare into his beautiful face, he’s unguarded, and his eyes show the love that he feels for me, for our child. 

“Love you,” I whisper. 

“Love you too. Do you need something to drink,” he asks. 

“Yeah, please,” I ask softly. He stands up and pours me a glass of water. He holds it up to my lips and I drink deeply from it, easing my dry mouth. 

“Thanks,” I say smiling at him. 

“How are you feeling,” he asks, I smile slightly at his concern. 

“We’re doing okay,” I say rubbing my stomach; he covers my hand with his own, interlacing our fingers. 

“Good. We have a lot to talk about, like getting you moved back home, getting everything set up at the loft, finding a house, getting you added to my insurance as my domestic partner. Changing your POA, getting ready for the baby…damn we have a lot to do,” Brian says smiling at me. I stare at him in shock realizing just how serious he was about everything and tears come to my eyes thinking that I took everything away from him, that I was going to ask him to give me custody of our child; that I didn’t have to be alone at all. 

“I’m so sorry Bri,” I say with tears running down my face. 

“It’s okay Justin; I know that you were scared but never again Justin. Don’t you ever make decisions about our life, our baby again without talking to me. I have a right to know, I want to know. It’s our life Justin,” he says lying down beside me. I burrow into his arms and sob at the pain that I’ve caused both of us. He rubs my back soothingly as the sobs begin to lessen and tears start to slow. I look up into his face and he stares at me with such love. 

“Are we going to be okay?”

“Yeah we’re going to be just fine,” he says before leaning down and kissing me passionately. I hear the heart monitor increase in speed and I chuckle slightly at the increased rhythm. I hear the door open and the doctor comes running into the room. 

“Okay that’s enough you two,” Dr. Hammond says with a laugh. 

“Hey, I’m just enjoying my partner,” I say with a smile. 

“Yeah, I can see that,” Dr. Hammond says nodding toward the heart monitor. Brian and I chuckle quietly and we turn our attention to the doctor. 

“When can we get out of here,” I ask. 

“I’m filling out your paperwork now. I need to know where to send my technician to hook up the monitors that you’ll need. I was very serious about everything Justin,” Dr. Hammond says moving toward the bed. 

“And I was serious when I said I’ll do everything to protect my baby and me,” I answer honestly. 

“I know you will Justin,” he says. 

“You can send everything to our home. The address is 6357 Tremont Loft 4,” Brian answers. The doctor writes down the address before turning back to us. 

“Okay Justin, I need to show you how to give yourself injections, test your blood sugar, and give yourself a breathing treatment,” Dr. Hammond says. For the next hour, we go over everything that we’ll need to know about taking care of the baby and me. 

“Okay that’s it Justin, you’re free to go home. And you young man take very good care of him. I’ll come by tomorrow and check on you, then you have your ultrasound on Friday, and next week we’ll do the amnio. If you have any problems you call me immediately,” Dr. Hammond says handing Brian the release forms. Brian reads them over and quickly signs the paperwork. 

“We will Dr. Hammond thanks,” Brian says and I nod my head in agreement. Dr. Hammond quickly leaves the room and Brian helps me sit up. I’m a little dizzy at first but it quickly fades away and I change into my sweat pants and t-shirt. 

“You ready to go home Justin,” Brian asks pulling me to him. 

“Yeah,” I reply leaning into him. A wheel chair is brought into the room and he helps me over and in to it. I smile at his protectiveness already and his insistent need to push the wheel chair. When we exit the ER department, the family bombards us as they rush to see me. 

“Oh, Justin are you okay,” Debbie asks kneeling down in front of me and pulling me into a hug. 

“Yeah, I’m okay Debbie,” I say hugging her back. I’ve missed her so much. 

“Don’t you ever do that again,” she says waving her finger in my face. 

“I promise,” I say. She doesn’t have to tell me what she’s talking about, I already know. Don’t run off, don’t hide myself away, don’t leave the family. 

“How’s our little baby,” Vic asks putting a hand on my stomach. I laugh at his antics but smile at him. 

“We’re doing okay,” I say, looking down at my stomach. 

“Well you keep that baby safe and healthy,” he says. 

“Okay enough, he just got out of the hospital and he needs his rest so we’re going home. Ben, Michael you are welcome to join us if you want,” Brian says looking at our friends. 

“No, I think you both need this time together but I’ll be by in the morning,” Michael says and Ben nods his head in agreement. 

“I love you guys,” I say with tears in my eyes. Michael and Ben move toward me and I stand up hugging both of them. 

“We love you too, Justin,” Ben says. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look over to my partner and sit back down in the chair. 

“Okay Justin, home we go,” Brian says pushing us out of the waiting room. The jeep is already sitting in front of the exit and I look over at Brian perplexed. 

“I had one of the nurses give Emmett the keys to bring it up front,” Brian says smiling at me. Emmett hops out of the driver’s side of the Jeep and comes around to us. 

“Hi baby, I’ve missed you so much,” Emmett says hugging me close. 

“I missed you too,” I reply, returning the hug.

“Let’s go home. Em you can come by tomorrow if you want,” Brian says pushing me toward the Jeep. He sets the emergency break and then helps me up and into the Jeep. He buckles the seat belt and then moves the lap belt down to below my bulge. I look up into his face and smile; he leans down and captures my lips in a soft kiss full of promise. 

“I want you safe, I want you around for a long time,” he whispers in my ear before kissing me softly one more time. He runs around the Jeep and jumps in. We drive for a few minutes in silence. 

“Who’s your attorney,” he asks. 

“Bonnie Sanchez, I’ll call her when we get home. She can come to the loft,” I reply. 

“How do you know her,” he asks. 

“She has been my family’s attorney for 13 years, she’s very good and doesn’t charge me anything,” I say smiling. 

“Okay, that sounds good. I’ll have her draw up my POA as well for you and we can have yours changed over to me.”

“Okay, if you’re sure,” I say hesitantly. 

“Justin, I never want to have to find out that you are in the hospital from Michael again. I’m your partner and the baby’s father, I should be notified right away,” he says seriously. 

“Okay Bri,” I say smiling over at him. He caresses my thigh that sends a jolt of electricity right to my groin. He laughs softly at me and I cover his hand with my own, intertwining our fingers. We ride the rest of the way to our home in silence, I’m so fucking happy right now. This is what is right; this is where I should have been all along. 

When we finally get in the door, Brian pushes me toward the sofa and forces me to sit down. 

“Bri,” I ask. 

“Justin, the doctor said rest and I’m going to make sure you get it. You have to take care of you and our baby,” he says caressing my face. 

“I need my stuff Brian and I need to take a shower,” I say. 

“I’ll arrange to have your stuff brought over tomorrow, for tonight you can use my stuff. Not like you haven’t before,” he smiles at me. I nod my head in agreement and push to get off the sofa. 

“Where you going,” he asks. 

“Shower Bri,” I answer as I move toward the stairs. 

“Want company,” I stop dead in my tracks and look down at my body. 

“Justin,” he asks moving to stand in front of me. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t look the same Brian, I’ve changed,” I say softly. He gently cups my chin, forcing my eyes to meet his. 

“Justin, you are fucking hot, sexy as hell, the most beautiful man that I’ve ever seen. Even more so now that you are caring our baby,” he says to be. I smile up at him, needing the reassurance from him, needing to know that he’ll still want me. 

“I could use help washing my back,” I say smiling at him. He softly kisses my lips before taking my hands in his and leading me to the bathroom. He quickly pulls off his clothes before turning toward me, I gasp softly at him, my eyes devouring him. 

“God Brian, I’ve missed you so much,” I say huskily. He smiles before moving toward me. He gently helps me remove my clothes, my cock hard demanding attention. 

“You’re hard,” he says his eyes roaming my body. 

“You do that to me Bri,” I whisper. 

“Let’s get in the shower then we can go lay in bed,” Brian says taking my hand and leads me into the shower stall. 

“You’re so beautiful Justin,” he says as he washes me from head to toe, his hands lingering over our baby, caressing my bulging belly. I return the favor washing his skin, wanting to taste it and caress every inch of his body. But he stops us from going any further than washing. 

“Not in the shower, let’s get more comfortable in bed,” he says softly, turning the water off. He gently dries me off before leading me to the bed, where he lays me down. I stare up at him as he leaves the bed and comes back with his expensive lotion. He straddles my thighs as he pours a generous amount of lotion into his hands before lathering them together then massaging the lotion into my skin. I watch as he carefully applies lotion to my entire body paying special attention to my stomach, my sides, and my butt. I laugh softly as he rubs it into my ass cheeks, my cock hard and dripping. 

“Make sure your skin stays soft and healthy. Wouldn’t want you to get stretch marks,” he says chuckling softly. I laugh with him, remembering the night he found out about our pregnancy. 

“I want you Bri,” I whisper grinding my cock into the soft duvet. He moves off my hips and gently turns me over, caressing my face. 

“Are you up for it,” he asks softly. 

“It’s been too long Bri, I want you so bad,” I whisper, tears in my eyes. 

“Justin, have you…had you…”

“No Bri, not since our last time,” I say softly, pulling him down on top of me. I kiss him deeply, smashing our mouths together, our tongues dancing against each other. He gently rotates us so that we are lying on our side, my arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him against me. His arms wrapped around my waist and neck, our cocks grinding against each other. 

“Love you,” I whisper against his lips breaking the kiss for much needed air. 

“Me too Justin, me too.” He rolls me over so that my back is against his chest, his hands exploring my body. I feel him roll away for a minute before turning back toward me. I hear the snap of the KY bottle and then the cold ease of his lubed fingers against my hole. He pushes gently in side me and my back arches at the missed feelings. 

“Ohhhh,” I moan, rotating my hips, fucking myself on his finger. 

“So good, more, please more,” I beg. I feel him push a second finger inside of me stretching me for his large cock. I push back on his fingers demanding more, wanting more. After a couple of minutes he eases the third finger in, scissoring them apart, stretching me wide. 

“Need you,” he whispers into my ear. 

”Yes Bri, take me,” I beg. He quickly pulls his fingers from my ass, I hear the condom rip open, and then he’s pushing into me. I gasp at the intense pain from him entering me for the first time for almost two months. 

“Breath Jus,” he says rubbing my stomach to get me to relax. I take a couple of deep breaths before relaxing against him. He starts pushing in deep and pulling out, pushing back in oh so slowly. 

“God Justin, so tight,” Brian gasps. 

“Mmmm,” I moan at the intense sensations. My need for him is insatiable as he rocks into me; I push back against him trying to get him deeper, his dick hitting my prostate. 

“Oh fuck…close Bri…” I moan as the heat rises in my body, the intense pressure building in my balls. 

“Cum with me Justin,” he whispers moving his hand to my cock, covering my own as we move to completion. He pushes into me hard, his cock jabbing my prostate and I scream into my orgasm as it rips through my body. The blinding lights flash behind my eyes and my body shakes from the intense release. I lay exhausted in Brian’s arms as he pants against my neck. Brian gently pulls out of me and I hiss from the pain. After two months of not being fucked by anybody let alone Brian, I feel like I have been split wide open. I feel Brian shaking behind me and I gently turn over and cup his face. 

“Brian what’s wrong,” I ask concerned. 

“Don’t ever leave me again Justin, please,” He begs. My heart breaks for the pain that I’ve caused my lover and I pull him into my arms, his head resting against my chest. 

“Never again Bri, never again,” I whisper repeatedly until the lull of his breathing relaxes me into a deep sleep. 

Brian’s POV

I wake up with my head resting against Justin’s chest, his heart beating steadily, his arms wrapped tightly around me. I move gently out of his embrace and stare into his beautiful face. Being with him again after so long is a dream come true, I never knew how wonderful it would feel to be with him again. I used to be afraid of his love, my love for him but now I embrace the strong emotions, enjoying them, living with them. I love him more than I have anybody in my life and I don’t think I can ever let him go, never again. I place my hand against his stomach feeling the heat there and I smile thinking about that our baby is there, that our life is there. 

“She’s been moving around this morning but I think she’s gone back to sleep. After I eat, she should be more active,” he says hoarsely. 

“I can’t wait,” I say, kissing his bare stomach before moving up and kissing him softly. 

“Hungry,” I ask. 

“Yeah and I need to take a piss,” he says chuckling. 

“You go take care of that while I find something from your approved list of foods. We also need to give you a shot,” I say getting out of bed and pulling on a pair of jeans. 

“Okay,” he responds walking bare assed into the bathroom. I quickly move down into the kitchen and look over the list of approved food before pulling out a menu and ordering from our favorite Italian restaurant. I also call the pharmacy and see when they will be delivering his meds. 

“We need to go grocery shopping,” I say as he walks out of the bedroom. 

“I can make a list and then we can call it in for delivery,” he replies sitting down on the barstool, wincing a little bit. I smile thinking about why he is wincing. 

“Asshole,” he says with affection. 

“Yeah but I’m your asshole,” I reply. 

“Brian, will you be bringing tricks back to the loft?” I stop what I’m doing and stare at him. I round the corner and pull him from the barstool before leading us over the sofa, pulling him into my lap. 

“Justin I will NEVER bring another trick around you or our child again. I’m going to try to be monogamous and I won’t say that I’ll be perfect, that I’ll never mess up but I’m going to try. But never in our home, never around you or our child,” I say softly, holding him tightly. 

“The tricks were never an issue Brian. I know you love me, that they don’t have what we do,” he replies. 

“I know they don’t Justin, but I think that I’m ready for it to be just us, nobody else. But regardless of that, they won’t be coming into our home, ever.”

“Thank you Brian, I didn’t know how to deal with tricks coming into our home, seeing me like this. Around our child,” he says softly. 

“Justin there is nothing wrong with the way you look now or full term but I won’t endanger you with them. Besides I don’t like sharing and everybody has always wanted you but you’re mine and it’s going to stay that way,” I say kissing his neck. 

“Oh yeah,” he says softly leaning back into my shoulder. 

“Yeah,” I whisper, resting my hands over his, covering his stomach. I relax back into the sofa enjoying the feel of Justin pressed against my chest, my arms wrapped around him. I think this is what I missed most when he was gone, him in my arms. 

The next morning I wake up and immediately reach for Justin, when I encounter empty sheets I think that it was nothing but a dream until I hear the sounds of retching coming from the bathroom. I immediately jump up, rush into the bathroom, and see Justin kneeling on the floor, his arms around the bowl of the toilet and his head resting against his arms. I kneel down behind him and pull him back against my chest. 

“You ok,” I ask, wiping his sweat soaked hair from his forehead. 

“Yea, thank god the toilet is clean or it would have been a lot worse,” he says with a chuckle. 

“Yea, I’ll make sure that our maid cleans it everyday,” I say smiling into his soft blond hair. He instantly lurches forward and throws up again. I rub the small of his back, trying to help release some of the tension in his muscles. Who would have thought Brian Kinney being compassionate?

“How long does this last,” I ask when he leans back against me. 

“Nauseous on and off all day, the puking only about twenty minutes, after that I can keep everything down,” he says tiredly. 

“Nothing they can do about it,” I ask not liking to see him in pain. 

“No, just part of being pregnant,” he replies. We sit on the floor for about five more minutes before he gently stands up and moves to the vanity. He brushes his teeth and then rinses his mouth with mouthwash before turning to me and smiling weakly. I open my arms to him and he eagerly moves into them, holding on to me just as tightly as I am him. 

“Come on it’s time for an injection and a breathing treatment,” I say releasing him. 

“Okay,” he says moving from my arms and toward the kitchen. I watch as he pulls out the insulin and then grabs a fresh needle. He fills the needle with the required dosage before depositing it back in the refrigerator. Grabbing an alcohol packet and the needle, he brings both to me. He pulls his sweat pants down and I rip open the alcohol packet and swab his hip. 

“That is not the rapper sound I like hearing,” he says with a chuckle. I laugh a little with him before pressing the needle into his skin and pressing the plunger, he hisses quietly but quickly pulls back up his sweats and takes the needle from me, depositing it into the hazardous waste bin they gave us yesterday. 

“You hungry,” I ask as I watch him set up his nebulizer for his breathing treatment. 

“Yeah, but we don’t have anything,” he says concentrating on pouring the right amounts of each drug into the breathing mask. 

“I can run to the corner store,” I say moving toward the bedroom to get dressed but before I have the chance to get up the stairs I hear the loft door unlock and then pulled open. I look over to the door and smile; Michael and Ben are standing there with bags of food. Justin laughs at them before turning on his machine and sitting down in a chair, pulling another one around for his feet. 

“Thought you could use some sustenance and since I had an approved dietary list we figured we would supply you with said food,” Michael said with a laugh. 

“Thanks Mikey,” I say as I take the bags from his hands. I look through them and see a plate of egg whites, whole-wheat toast, and a container of fresh squeezed orange juice, which I know is for Justin. I take the food out of the Styrofoam container, place it on a plate for him, and then set it at the bar. I watch has he breathes deeply on the machine, taking the medicine deep in his chest the mist disappearing and reappearing with every breath. I hear the machine start to rattle and then the mist disappears. 

“Come on Justin, we have food,” Ben says smiling at him. 

“Uhhh, I’m going to be SOOO fat by time this is over,” Justin says moving toward the bar.

“Ahhhh, but you’ll be so cute with your tummy all big,” Michael says smiling. 

“Yea and then I can work out and diet to lose all the excess weight,” he says smirking. 

“Justin you have only gained ten pounds, besides you are getting too old to be looking like a stick twink,” Ben replies. Justin tries to glare at Ben but ends up smiling as he digs into his food. 

“So what are you doing today,” Michael asks eyeing Justin. 

“We’ll let’s see, I can’t work so I guess I’m going to lay around the loft, read, draw, watch TV,” Justin says shrugging his shoulders. 

“Oh no you will not, you have to call Bonnie, call a realtor, we need to fill out the insurance paperwork, and I’m sure there is a ton that I’m forgetting,” I say seriously. He looks at me his mouth wide open before closing it and shaking his head. We sit and talk for an hour and I’ve never seen Justin and Michael joke and play around so much. I watch in amazement as they talk animatedly with each other. 

“You going to call Bonnie,” I ask after the guys leave. I don’t know why this is so important to me, but it is. I have to know that if there is an emergency that they will notify me first, immediately. I have to know that if Justin can’t make decisions that I can make the best ones for him and our baby. I have to know that I’ve done everything possible to save him, to take care of him, to love him. 

“Yea, I’ll call her now,” he says grabbing the cordless. He quickly dials the number and speaks briefly with someone before arranging to meet in an hour here. 

“You going to work today,” he asks hanging up the phone. 

“No I’m staying here today. I’ll probably start working from home only going to meetings that require my attendance,” I say moving toward the computer. 

“You don’t have to do that Brian, I’m perfectly capable of staying home alone,” he says irritated. 

“Come here,” I say pushing away from the desk, holding out my hand. He walks toward me and I pull him into my arms. 

“Justin, I’m not staying with you to baby-sit, I’m staying with you to be here for you and our baby. To make sure that you’re okay; besides we have a lot of time to make up for,” I say softly. He stares into my eyes looking for the truth, finding it he nods his head and leans down placing a soft kiss on my lips. I grab the back of his neck pulling him deeper into the kiss, exploring his mouth. 

“Mmmm,” he moans as he wraps his arms around my neck and straddles my lap. He’s not able to press up against my chest any more due to his expanding midsection but he tries to get as close as possible. I slip my hands into his sweat pants cupping his glorious ass. He leans back from the kiss and rests his forehead against my own. 

“We have a lot to do. Later,” he proposes. I huff slightly but know that he’s right.

“Definitely later,” I say slapping his ass before tapping his hip for him to get up. He hops off my lap and we start looking over real estate agents. 

Justin’s POV

“So what are we looking for,” I ask leaning against his back. 

“I think that we should look for something with an office for me, a studio for you, master bedroom, three bedrooms, and a two car garage,” he says listing everything. 

“Why so big,” I ask.

“Well I need a home office and you need a place to paint. I room for us, then the baby, and for Gus. That will leave with us one spare bedroom,” he explains. 

“That makes sense,” I say as we continue to look for an agent. If my mom was still here then we would just call her but since she isn’t we have to look for someone else. We spend thirty minutes going through agents before finding one. Brian calls them and arranges to meet them here tomorrow. Everything seems to be moving so fast. Two days ago, I was alone without Brian and now I’m with Brian, we’re buying a house, committing ourselves to each other forever. I wonder if I’m ready for this type of commitment but then I think back to the five years that we have been together, the dramas, the pain, the happy times, the tricks. Everything that we have been through has been leading us to two roads. One without each other and the other one together, that’s where I have always wanted to be, with him by my side forever. 

We talk a little bit more about the house and what we want, where we want to live. Now that I’m financially stable, I feel good about buying a house; a place to call our own, he also wants me to buy a car. Even though I have the money I still walk or take the bus everywhere, I don’t know why, just never thought about buying a car but now it’s not an option. I suggested he trade the Jeep in for something more family oriented which earned me a glare. I laugh and walk away from him lying down on the couch. I feel my eyes droop and decide that I’m in need of a nap as I allow my eyes to slide shut. 

“Justin, Jus wake up Bonnie’s here,” I hear Brian say bringing me out of my sleep. I blink rapidly at him trying to clear the haze from my eyes as I sit up which is already getting harder and harder to do. I rub my hands across my face before standing up and stretching my back out. 

“Hey Bonnie,” I say walking over to her. 

“Hi Justin,” she says hugging me tightly. 

“What can I do for you,” she asks. I lead her into the living room offering her one of the chairs and a drink. Declining she sits down in the leather chair and I sit next to Brian on the sofa. 

“I need to change my POA and update my will and benefactors,” I state. 

“Again,” she asks. I nod my head and lean back against Brian. 

“And I need to create a POA and will,” Brian adds. 

“Okay Justin, who do you want your POA to be as well as the guardian for the child and the benefactors,” she asks taking out a legal pad.

“Brian Andrew Kinney will be the POA. In case of my death, Brian will get sole custody of the baby. If we both die then Michael and Ben will get guardianship. Brian will be the sole benefactor of my life insurance policies and then the baby the secondary,” I explain. 

“Are you sure about Ben and Michael,” Brian asks me. 

“Yes, they’ve been there for me the last two months. I wouldn’t have made it without them. I know that if anything happens to us that they will be there for our child and love her no matter what,” I say passionately. 

“I agree, I think you made the right choice,” he says, rubbing my neck. 

“Okay and what about the way the will is drawn up,” she asks. 

“I left the majority of everything to Brian and the baby. The comic to Michael and some paintings and things to the rest of the family,” I say thinking aloud.

“Yes,” she replies.

“Then the rest of the will should remain the same,” I reply. 

“Okay, and Brian,” she prompts.

“Justin will be named my POA. Sole custody of the baby should I die will be to Justin and I agree with Justin about Ben and Michael,” Brian explains. She nods her head as she continues to take notes. 

“And your will,” she asks. Brian thinks carefully before standing up and pulls something from the file cabinet, handing it to Bonnie. 

“Everything should pretty much remain the same as in that but make Justin the sole beneficiary and Michael receives the stocks,” Brian replies. “I’ll make sure you get a copy,” he says to me. I nod my head in understanding. 

“Okay gentleman I think I have everything I need. I’ll get these changes made and then bring them over to by the end of the week,” Bonnie says standing up. 

“Thanks Bonnie,” I say hugging her again.

“Yes thank you,” he says shaking her hand. After Bonnie leaves, we talk for a few minutes about the meeting before Brian remembers the time and reminds be about the monitoring. We walk hand in hand to the bedroom. I remove my shirt and lay down on the bed as Brian wraps the monitor around my stomach and applies the cold jelly.

“We really should get a heating device for that,” I comment as involuntarily shutter from the coldness. 

“I’ll talk to the doctor about it,” he says. He turns on the machine and immediately we can hear our baby’s heartbeat and movements. 

“What does it feel like when she moves,” Brian asks lying down beside me. He places his hand on my extended stomach, gently caressing it. 

“At first it was just like butterflies but now it’s fucking uncomfortable. She likes to kick me in the ribs, or push her butt way out. If we watch closely, enough you can see a foot or hand glide across my stomach. It’s really awesome but can be painful too.” I relax further into the bed, closing my eyes, and allowing my daughters heartbeat to soothe me. 

I must have fallen asleep because next time I wake up I’m alone in bed, the heart monitor removed. I slowly sit up, which is becoming a task these days. I stand up from the bed and immediately go to the bathroom and relieve myself. I quickly wash up before moving into the living room. 

“Awww, sleeping beauty wakes up,” Brian says standing up from his computer. I smile at him and move toward him, he pulls me in his arms giving me a strong hug as we kiss softly. 

“Time for your lunch,” Brian says releasing me and moving toward the kitchen. 

“I need to get my things from Michael’s,” I say remembering that I have nothing here. 

“I already talked to Michael and Ben, they’ll being over everything this afternoon,” Brian remarks. I nod my head in understanding before devouring my lunch. I use to have a big appetite before but now it’s insatiable. I’m always fucking starving. 

After we eat lunch, we start going over the mountain of insurance papers. I never know that there could be this much paperwork for me to be declared Brian’s domestic partner, to prepare for the birth of our child, for both of us to be covered medically as well as financially, it’s too much. As we continue to trudge through the paperwork filling in all of the empty places, Brian’s cell phone rings. 

“Kinney…right now…yea no problem, I’m on my way…” Brian says into the phone. I wait for him to disconnect the line to fill me in what’s going on. He flips the phone closed then stands up. 

“I have to go pick Gus up from school and hang out with him for awhile. Lindsay has an emergency meeting for the Gallery,” Brian replies, he leans down and kisses me chastely on the lips before quickly leaving the loft. I look over the mountain of paperwork and decide to complete it. 

Two hours later, I have finished all the paperwork, my hand hurts and is cramping from all the writing. I slowly stand up my back aching a little from sitting in the same position for so long. I look toward the clock and note that it’s after five and that Brian should be back soon. I look into the fridge and note its bare interior and call in to have some groceries delivered. 

When the food finally arrives, I make us some dinner and wait patiently for Brian to arrive. I try to call him but I can hear his cell phone ringing from the living room table, I hang up the phone trying Brian at Lindsay’s but there is no answer. After an hour I decide to eat and keep Brian’s warm for him but as the hours roll by I put the food away, give myself my insulin shot and move into the bedroom. I take a quick shower before climbing into bed and place the monitor on my stomach. I listen to the baby’s heartbeat, constant and calm, never changing. She’s not moving so I assume she’s asleep but I know that the doctor wants to know the movements so I use the buzzer on my stomach, startling her. She immediately starts moving around, giving me the required number of movements. I turn off the machine, wipe the gel from my stomach, and gently caress the bulge. 

“Sorry baby but the doctor wants to know that you are okay,” I tell her. She moves around a little bit more before becoming still. I turn over on my side; looking at the clock, I note that it’s barely eight; I wonder what the fuck is keeping Brian. Ben and Michael also never showed up with my stuff, maybe I’ll go over there tomorrow and at least get my clothes and sketchbooks, I hate being without my things. Deciding that I’ll take care of everything later I allow my eyes to slide shut and soon I’m fast asleep. 

Brian’s POV

After picking Gus up we go back to Lindsay’s and do his homework. By five, we’ve completed his homework and are hanging around watching TV. I’ve missed hanging out with Gus, talking to him, just being with him. 

“Daddy,” Gus says. 

“Yea Sonny boy,” I ask. 

“Where Poppa,” he asks in a small voice. 

“He’s at home. Why,” I ask. 

“He no comes see me at school,” he says sniffling. I pull him into my arms and caress his soft auburn hair. 

“When did you last see your Poppa,” I ask him. 

“Last week, he looks dif…dif…different,” he says stuttering. 

“Poppa misses you very much Sonny boy but you’re right Justin does look different. It’s because he’s having a baby,” I reply. “Do you know what that means?”

“Me have a wittle brodder or sister.” He says happily.

“Yea, you have a little sister.”

“Will he still wuv me,” he asks sadly. 

“Sonny boy, your Poppa will always love you.”

“Tay,” he says hugging me close before climbing off my lap. He runs into the other room and comes back with his crayons and a coloring book.

“What are you going to color?”

“Piture for Poppa and baby,” he says smiling at me before bringing out his colors. I watch him color with confidence and concentration that reminds me so much of Justin. I look over at the clock wanting to be home with Justin. It’s almost six and Lindsay or Melanie should be home soon. I can’t help but smile thinking of my partner and our baby. I start getting anxious to go home and spend some time with him. These last two months have been hell without him and now all I want to do is go home and spend sometime with him. Be with him. I decide to call him and see how everything is going but when I reach for my cell phone, I realize that I left it back at the loft. I walk into the kitchen and grab the cordless but when I press talk, there is no dial tone. What the fuck? I shrug my shoulders thinking that there might be a problem with their service and return to the living room to watch over my son. 

At six, I’m pacing around the living room like a caged animal wanting to get home but I can’t get a hold of anybody. I consider taking Gus with me to the loft but for some reason Lindsay was adamant about Gus staying at his home. I fix Gus and me dinner and then we watch some more TV. Around eight, I give him a bath then read Sleeping Beauty to him. He falls asleep before I’ve finished the book; I gently cover him up and place a kiss on his forehead. I gaze into his beautiful face and smile at his perfection. No matter what he’ll always, be perfect to me. I never knew that I could love that little boy as much as I do but with Justin, anything seems possible. I quietly leave his room and as I’m walking down the stairs the front door opens and Lindsay is standing there looking very impenitent. 

“Hey how was he,” she asks putting down her purse and walking into the living room. 

“He was fine but where the fuck have you been and why doesn’t your phone work,” I ask angrily. 

“I told you I had an unexpected meeting and the phone doesn’t work because there is a problem with the main line. They should be working on it this week,” she says closing her eyes. I huff at her before grabbing my jacket. 

“Hey where are you going, I thought we could have a glass of wine,” she says snapping her eyes open. 

“I’m going home to my partner,” I say dismissively and leave without a backward glance. 

I drive home fast, breaking almost every traffic law in my attempt to get home to Justin. I screech to a stop in front of the building and rush up the stairs not wanting to wait for the elevator. I quickly unlock the door and walk inside to find it dark. I shut the door behind be and re-arm the alarm and quietly walk up the stairs. I see my beautiful angel lying on his side in the fetal position, one hand stuffed under his pillow and the other laying across his stomach. I smile at the beautiful sight before me. I turn and walk back into the living room, deciding to go over the paperwork, I notice that it has all been completed; the only thing left is for me to sign all of the copies. I lay the papers out in front of me and start signing everything and looking over the information. I wonder how long this took him to complete and if his hand is okay. I should have insisted that he come with me. 

When I finish the papers an hour later, I move into the kitchen and pull out a bottle of water, I’m amazed to find a fridge full of food, and a plate sitting on the top shelf covered in syran wrap. I feel a tug at my heart thinking that he made me dinner and I never came home or called. But that wasn’t my fault; I know that he’ll understand that. As I’m about to shut the door his insulin bottle catches my attention and I wonder if he took his shot. I wanted to be here for that, to give him his shot, it’s silly I know but I wanted to be able to do that for him. I shake my head sadly and turn to go back into the bedroom. I need to make sure he took his medicine. I quickly remove my clothes before lying down beside him and run my fingers through his hair. He shifts a little pushing himself closer to my touch. 

“Justin,” I say softly. He moans in his sleep but doesn’t wake. 

“Justin,” I say louder. His eyes slowly flutter open, he stares up at me for a couple of minutes before shifting his eyes to the clock, and then back to me, he raises one eyebrow asking me where the fuck I’ve been. I smile at him.

“Lindsay didn’t get home till almost nine and I left my cell phone here. I tried to call you on her home phone but I didn’t get a dial tone,” I explain. 

“I tried to call her house but it rang about six times then went to her answering machine,” he replies. 

“Did you take your medicine,” I ask not really thinking about the phone issue. 

“Yeah I took the prednisone and insulin,” he says yawning. He rolls onto his back and stretches his body. I run my hands up his arms, up his shoulders and then behind his head. I pull his head up so I can kiss his sweet lips. I kiss him deeply, delving my tongue into his delectable mouth. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me deeper into the kiss, which I willingly submit. He breaks the kiss and breathes deeply. 

“Want you,” he whispers before attacking my neck, pulling me half over him. We roll over so that we are lying on our sides; our bodies pressed against each other. He slips his soft hands in between our bodies, fondling my hard cock before moving his hands backward and grabbing my ass. 

“Mmmm,” I moan into the kiss, relishing the feel of his hands on my skin. His hands move over my ass, gripping, squeezing the toned mounds. He uses a finger to run across my crack, not pushing in, just running over the crevice. I deepen the kiss pulling him against me, my hands tangled in his hair, my mouth devouring his. He uses his index finger to move between the globes, his finger brushing against my hole. 

“Uhhh,” I moan breaking the kiss, arching my back. He latches onto my neck, sucking on the sensitive skin. I move my hands from his hair, down his back and grip his unclothed ass. He moves his finger against my sensitive hole, rubbing it with the pad of his finger. I grip his ass tighter, trying to pull him closer to me, our cocks grinding into each other. He pulls his finger away and I look down into his eyes, he brings his finger up to his mouth and sucks on the digit covering it with saliva. I groan at the site, my dick throbbing at its implications, I watch as he sucks on his finger as if sucking on a miniature cock. I watch as he removes his finger from his mouth and moves it back toward my ass. His finger slides in between my cheeks and I feel him rubbing against the sensitive flesh. 

“Oh God Justin,” I moan arching my back. He pushes his finger against the knot of muscle, pushing in just the tip of his finger before pulling it out, doing it repeatedly. 

“Stop teasing,” I demand and I feel him push his full finger into my tight hole. I crush my lips against his, our tongues dueling, caressing against each other’s. I feel him pump his finger in and out before adding another one, the stretch burns slightly but I don’t remember the last time that I was this turned on. Our hips are moving against each other, our hard cocks leaking profusely. 

“I want to ride,” I breathe against his neck before sucking the tempting flesh into my mouth, bringing the blood to the surface. 

“You…ah…sure,” he gasps, his fingers never stopping the exploration of my depths. 

“Yea, fuck me,” I demand. He quickly removes his fingers from my ass and rolls on to his back, propping himself up on several pillows. He reaches over to the side table and grabs a condom and lube. I take the condom from his hands and quickly roll it over his achingly hard cock, my hand caressing and moving up and down the sensitive skin. I take the lube from his hand and cover his cock generously before positioning myself over his dick. He grips my hips, stopping me from my decent. 

“You don’t want me to prepare you,” he asks huskily. 

“No I want you now,” I say pressing down onto his cock.

“Oh God,” I moan as his thick cock breaches the first ring of muscle. I stop for a few moments and take a deep breath before pushing down again. I feel his cock moving into me and grit my teeth at the searing pain shooting through my ass. His hands are on my hips, he softly smoothes his fingers across the sensitive skin. Sitting fully on his lap, his thick long dick buried deep inside me, my back resting against his thighs. He shifts a little bit, his cock rubbing against my prostate and I moan at the feelings coursing through my body. I steadily rock upward, just the head of his cock remaining before sliding back down oh so slowly. 

“Fuck Brian,” he gasps as I tighten my ass around his cock, squeezing it. I grasp one of his hands in my own, intertwining our fingers together, his other hand resting on my hip. I lean forward capturing his lips in an intense kiss. I rock back and forth on his hard cock and he pivots his hips, burying himself in me. I feel his hands move down from my hip; he softly caresses my ass before moving his hand lower, rubbing the stretched skin around his cock, causing me moan at the sensation. I’ve never thought I’d feel this way with anybody but here I am making love to the man that I want be with forever. I start moving faster up and down his hard shaft as we kiss, his fingers never stop their massage. We moan into the kiss, slamming against each other, my cock rubbing against his stomach. I think I feel something but I’m not sure. I keep moving faster and harder slamming my ass down onto his cock. He arches his back as I squeeze the head of his cock with my muscle before slamming back down, my ass resting on his pelvis. He removes his fingers from my ass and moves them between our bodies. I groan at the intimate loss. I feel him grip my cock in his fist, moving it in tandem to my bouncing. I lean back and start fucking myself on his cock in earnest, the need to get off too great. I feel my balls draw up and he rubs the pad of his finger against the slit and the lights flash behind my eyes as I throw my head back in ecstasy. I feel his cock pulsing inside of me as I lean over him, resting my weight on my arms as not to crush him. I feel something push against my stomach and I hold my breath waiting to see if I feel it again and there it is again, a flutter and then it moves away to reappear a few centimeters over. I lean back and stare into his face wide eyed. His eyes are soft, full of so much love and he smiling that special smile that he reserves just for me. 

“Is that…is that her,” I ask quietly. 

“Yea,” he smiles just as softly. I gently climb off him, hissing from the pain of him sliding out of me. I pull the condom off, throw it on the floor, and lay down beside him. He takes one of my hands and covers his stomach and I feel a soft push against my palm and smile at the feeling. That’s my child moving inside of him. We’re silent as we move our hands around his stomach searching for the next movement. When the baby seems to settle down for the night, I gently climb out of bed and return with a washcloth. I wipe his body clean of my seed and then wipe his dick off. He smiles slightly at me before turning over on his side. He looks over his shoulder at me and I drop the cloth on the floor before sliding into bed behind him, wrapping my arms securely around him. 

“I love you,” I say softly into his ear. 

“Love you too,” he says drowsily. I hug him closer to me and fall asleep thinking about Justin making love to me and feeling my baby move for the first time. I smile as I slip into oblivion.


	3. Life Changes

Two Weeks Later

Justin’s POV

Yet again Brian has been called away to tend to Gus. I don’t mind, not really. I mean Brian needs to have a relationship with his son but damnit I also need him, we need him. Almost every day for the last two weeks, he’s been called over to the munchers house from about two until after eight. I’m getting used to being alone again, not having anybody with me. Brian sure the fuck isn’t here anymore. I shake my head out of my thoughts and continue to get ready for my doctors appointment. I had the amnio last week, by myself of course, and everything went fine. I came back home and was in a little bit of pain, but nothing that I couldn’t handle. I lay in bed with the monitor attached listening to the sounds of my child. I smile thinking that in a few short months my daughter will be here with me…us. 

I climb into the cab and head toward the hospital to have the weekly check done. It’s tedious but it’s great seeing my baby’s progression. I walk into the office and they quickly usher into the back room where they do the ultrasound. Everything seems to be going great; her heart is pumping strong, the right amount of blood pumping in and out. She’s growing in both length and weight. They estimate that she’s about 10 inches long now and about three pounds. They say she is going to be tall just like her father. Brian and I are both tall so this one is going to be at least six feet. I sit for thirty minutes on the monitor as they count the amount of movements and the heart beat. I relax into the recliner and close my eyes. 

Brian’s been working at home, having to go into the office only two or three times a week. When he’s home we spend a lot of time together as he works on his computer getting everything done that he would have done in the office. IF he gets to stay home then we’ll spend a quiet evening at home talking and laughing but more times than not he quickly rushes off to take care of Gus. 

On Friday nights, he goes out with the guys after having family dinner with Deb and then on Saturday afternoon, he takes Gus out for daddy and Gus time and then on Sunday he has brunch with the family at the munchers. Oddly enough, they never invite me to anything. He doesn’t ask me to go to the family dinner, nobody does. He doesn’t ask me to spend time with Gus and him as we used to and no one ever invites me to spend time with the family on Sunday. I feel more alone now than I did when I was by myself. 

“Okay Mr. Taylor we’re all done,” the nurse says. I open my eyes and smile at her, nodding my head. They unattached the monitor and I pull my shirt down and wearily head back to the loft. I feel so alone right now, not even Michael or Ben has been around much. Maybe all of this was a mistake, but I know that I’ll never say anything. I won’t take Gus away from his father. 

I walk into the loft, kicking off my shoes and make my way to the refrigerator. I pull out my insulin bottle then gather a needle and an alcohol pad. I pull down my track pants and wipe the flesh with the cool cloth before sticking the needle into my skin, pushing the medicine that will take care of both the baby and me. I look around the empty loft, remembering when just two weeks ago we were planning to buy our own home but with how busy he has been lately we haven’t even talked about it much less had a chance to look for a house. I don’t think that it will be happening anytime soon. I sigh heavily and decide to take a shower and sketch some, anything to get my head off the loneliness I am feeling. 

Brian’s POV

I sit on the floor watching Gus as he sleeps. I breathe out harshly, angry that this is the twelfth night in the last fourteen that I’ve been away from Justin for almost twelve hours everyday. I really enjoy the time that I’m getting to spend with Gus, it’s more time than I have been allowed in the last five years but I don’t get to see Justin. During the day, I’m working and I don’t have a lot of time for him and then I’m rushing off to take care of Gus. Lindsay doesn’t want to upset Gus’ routine and insists that he comes home and not back to the loft. She also doesn’t want Justin around Gus; she says that he’s a bad influence over him. I fought tooth and nail about that, but in the end, I had to concede or they won't allow me to see Gus. 

I don’t understand Lindsay’s rationale about Justin’s bad influence. Justin loves Gus like his own son but as Lindsay so eloquently pointed out, Gus isn’t Justin’s son. He’s Lindsay’s; Melanie’s and in some way mine. They get to determine who gets to see Gus and they say they don't want Justin to. So Justin stays home alone day after day without me, without anyone and it breaks my heart thinking that he’s alone but I’m torn between being with my son and my partner, the father of my expected child. 

When I brought Justin back into my life two and half weeks ago, I thought that we would be together, but we aren’t. Sure, I sleep and wake up to him everyday, I hold him in my arms, make love to him but regardless of the physical attention that we give to each other, he’s still alone, I’m still alone. I still haven’t been able to attend one of his doctor appointments, see our child. I wasn’t there for his amnio and I don’t know if he’s gotten the results yet. I want to be with him, God I miss him. I hear the front door open and I’m quickly up off the floor and walking down the stairs. I grab my coat from behind the door and pull it on. 

“Thanks Brian,” she says overly sweetly running her hand up my arms. I shrug her hand off and turn toward the door. 

“When are you putting him back in daycare,” I ask facing the door. 

“I hadn’t planned on it,” she says. 

“Then when are you hiring a nanny,” I ask turning to look at her. 

“I thought you would enjoy watching YOUR SON,” she says. 

“I do enjoy watching him Lindsay, but I also have a partner at home that needs me. I have another child on the way that will also be dependant on me. I have a little boy upstairs wondering where his Poppa is. I love spending time with my son Lindsay, but I also miss my partner,” I say quietly. 

“I’ll start looking for a Nanny Brian,” she says and I nod my head, right as I’m about to pull the door open, Melanie walks in with wide eyes. 

“Hey Brian what are you doing here so late,” she asks. 

“I was just leaving,” I say. I walk past her and out the door and head home. It’s useless to rush home anymore Justin will be asleep. I sigh as I drive the empty streets of Pittsburgh and wonder what the fuck I’m going to do. When I finally get home, I walk up the stairs and into my darkened loft. Justin and I were supposed to be looking for a house, setting up the nursery but we haven’t had time. I lock the door, set the alarm, and then make my way up to the bedroom with a heavy heart. I lean against the doorframe watching my lover sleep on his side, a pillow resting between his knees. I wonder why he’s doing that. I quickly shed my clothes and climb into bed beside him, pulling him into my arms, breathing his scent. I feel the tears prickle behind my eyes and they quickly fall down my face, I hold him close to me as the sobs rack through my body. He turns in my arms and pulls me to him, holding my head against his chest, my hand resting on his bigger stomach. 

“I love you Brian,” he says softly and I feel my heart mend a little bit. I fall asleep wrapped protectively in my partner’s arm, my hand caressing his stomach. 

Two Weeks Later

Justin’s POV

I’m lying in a hospital bed an EKG hooked up to my heart, a monitor attached to my stomach. I lay quietly as they asked; wondering what could be possibly going on now. I’ve been feeling extremely tired, wanting nothing more to sleep, I’ve been getting dizzy when standing up and when I mentioned this to the doctor he insisted he do a full workup. When he checked my heart with the stethoscope, he immediately ordered an EKG.

When the test is finished, they print out a piece of paper and leave the room without a word. I lay with my eyes closed wishing Brian was with me. I feel my heart slamming in my chest, worried about what could possibly be wrong now. A couple of minutes later the doctor comes in carrying my chart. 

“Justin,” the doctor says nodding his head and reading THE piece of paper. 

“What’s going on Dr. Hammond,” I ask quietly. He looks up at me and smiles slightly. 

“Well, when I was listening to your heart I heard a murmur. That’s why I called for the EKG. With your high blood pressure and being pregnant it could cause the heart murmur but we’ll have to do further testing. I want you to stay here for the next twenty four hours so that we can monitor you,” he says seriously. I feel the tears slide down my cheeks as concern starts rushing through me. 

“Is the baby okay,” I ask, hiccupping. 

“The baby seems to be doing okay right now but with your high blood pressure and now the heart murmur which could be something or not, we need to keep a close eye on both of you. Now would you like to call Brian,” he asks. I nod my head and he hands me the phone from the nightstand and then leaves the room. I pray as I dial the number that he’ll answer. 

“You’ve reached the cell phone of Brian Kinney but I’m not available right now.” I hang up without leaving a message and dial the only other number that comes to mind. 

“Hello,” the voice says. 

“Michael,” I whisper. 

“Justin, what’s wrong,” he asks alarmed. 

“Please, please come to the hospital,” I cry. 

“Justin what’s wrong. Is the baby…” he trails off. 

“The baby’s okay but please Michael come,” I plead one more time before hanging up. I lay in bed with silent tears running down my face, wondering what is going on now. I must have fallen asleep because when I wake up I have electrodes on my chest and I can hear my heartbeat. There’s a machine to the side of me recording every beat, one for me and one for my baby. 

“Justin,” I hear and quickly turn my head and stare into Michael’s brown eyes and immediately I start crying. 

“Justin what is it,” he asks holding me. I cry into his shoulder and the beeping on the machine increases. 

“Justin you have to calm down, this isn’t good for you, you have to calm down,” the doctor says standing beside me. I try taking deep breaths but the sobs don’t stop and I start hyperventilating. 

“Justin, I have to give you a sedative, you’re getting too worked up,” Dr. Hammond says and turns from the room. I try taking deep breaths but I start cramping and my hands fold in on themselves, clutching into a fist. 

I hear someone enter the room and then I feel someone holding me down to the bed and a needle is pushed into my arm. I try to struggle against it, I can’t breathe, God it hurts so much to breathe. 

“Justin you have to calm down, I’m only giving you a shot to make you rest. You’re going to give yourself a heart attack if you keep going, please Justin, please try to calm down,” I hear the doctor say. I try hard to get control over myself but the depression that I’ve been sinking into engulfs me and deep painful sobs rip from my throat. I try breathing but all I can do is gasp, my limbs feeling heavy. I close my eyes as I try to calm down, tears running down my face, my throat raw from crying. I feel my baby kick and I start to relax, I feel someone take my hand and I’m sinking into the bed. Someone kisses my forehead and I fall asleep. 

Michael’s POV

I’m watching Justin completely lose it and my heart breaks for him. I haven’t seen much of him in the last month since Melanie and Lindsay asked me to father their next child. I’ve been so excited about it, spending a lot of time with Lindsay and Melanie going over everything. I wasn’t going to do it when they said I would have to sign over my rights but a day later they changed their minds, they said that I could be a father to this child. So I’ve been working extra hours in the shop trying to save up some money, spending time with the girls and Ben. We’ve become extremely close in the last month, the entire family celebrating our good fortunes. I’ve been so incredibly happy but I also feel sad because Justin hasn’t been there to share this with me. 

Justin has been absent from our lives, all of our lives and I don’t know why. It hurts to think that he’s abandoning us, not wanting to be around us anymore but we also never talk about him. But after today seeing him hysterical I think that it IS time that we talk about him and to him. I don’t know what is going on but there are two people that do. I stand up after making sure Justin is asleep and head to the nurses station. 

“Can I help you,” the nurse asks. 

“Yes, I need to speak to Dr. Hammond regarding Justin Taylor,” I reply. She nods her head and quickly pages Dr. Hammond. After administering the drug he watched to make sure Justin’s heart rate slowed to normal and then left. 

“Yes Michael, how can I help you,” he says coming up behind me. 

“What the fuck was that,” I ask. 

“Come with me,” he asks and leads us to an office. 

“Justin mentioned that he was feeling dizzy a lot and extremely tired so we did a full workup on him. When listening to his heart I found a heart murmur. After doing the EKG, we did find an abnormality in his heart’s beating. I told him that he had to stay overnight in the hospital so that we can monitor him for twenty-four hours,” the doctor explained. I nod my head in understanding. 

“Where’s Brian,” I ask. 

“I haven’t seen Brian since the last time Justin was in the hospital,” he replies and I open my mouth in shock. That son of a bitch told me that he was going to be there for Justin. He told me that he wouldn’t hurt him. No wonder he called me, pleading me to come down. I feel my anger boiling right below the surface and I turn and walk away from the doctor. I think it’s time that my best friend and I had a talk. I pull my cell phone from my pocket and press number one until it starts dialing a number. 

“Hey Michael,” Ben answers the phone. 

“Listen, Justin’s in the hospital, can you stay with him, I need to go and find out what the fuck is going on,” I say through clenched teeth. 

“I’m on my way,” he says disconnecting the phone. I pace Justin’s hospital room waiting for Ben to get there, trying to control my urge to fucking kill Brian. When Ben arrives, I kiss him chastely then I’m out the door, never speaking a word. 

Brian’s POV

I’ve been trying to call the loft for several hours now but there isn’t an answer. I wanted to see how Justin’s doctor appointment went. I can feel Justin slipping away from me and I have no idea how to stop it. Lindsay says she’s having a hard time getting a babysitter for the hours that they need and I can’t abandon my son. I know that Justin understands that but it must be killing him to ALWAYS be alone. I have to think of something to do because I don’t think either one of us can handle this much longer. 

“Lindsay,” I hear called out, the front door slamming shut. I turn my head, look at Melanie, and stand up to go. Now that Melanie is here, I can go home to my partner. 

“Brian what are you doing here, where’s Lindsay,” she asks and I stop what I’m doing. 

“She’s at work like she has been every night for the last month. I’m here watching Gus, what else,” I sneer. 

“You mean you’ve been watching Gus for the last month,” she asks shocked. I stare at her and the light is FINALLY dawning. 

“Yes, Lindsay said that neither of you wanted Gus in daycare anymore. She’s been looking for a nanny but she can’t find one to work these hours,” I reply, my anger starting to boil. 

“He isn’t in daycare? What the fuck is going on,” she demands. I shrug my shoulders and sit down on the sofa, burying my head in my hands. Lindsay has been fucking using me that is what is going on. 

“All I know is that Lindsay has been calling three or four times a week to take care of Gus. I stay here from about two until any where from eight until eleven watching him,” I say quietly. 

“Brian, where is Justin,” she asks sitting beside me. 

“He’s at home like he has been for the last month, alone,” I reply. 

“Why haven’t you been taking Gus with you to the loft or bringing Justin here,” she whispers. 

“Because YOUR wife said that BOTH of you decided that Justin was a bad influence on Gus and asked me NOT to bring him around,” I answer back, my anger raging. 

“I’m sorry Brian; go home to your partner. This won’t happen again,” she says tears running down her face. I stare at her wondering what the fuck is going on. I’ve never seen her look so broken before. I turn to leave the room with my coat on as Lindsay walks in the door. 

“Bri,” she calls out for me. I look her in the eye, my anger barely containable. 

“You leaving OUR son alone,” she sneers at me. I clench my fists at my side. 

“No, he’s leaving OUR son with me,” Melanie says from behind me. I look over my shoulder, smile slightly at her, and walk out of the house, Lindsay’s mouth wide open. Fucking Bitch. 

I race home eager to see Justin. Find out why he hasn’t been answering his fucking phone or the home phone. To apologize to him for not being there for him, for making him give himself the shots, go to the doctor’s appointments alone, for not being there for him. I park the Jeep and race up the stairs two at a time; I stop when I reach our floor and take a deep breath, trying to slow my rapidly beating heart. I insert my key into the lock and am surprised to find the door unlocked. I pull the door open and step inside. 

“Justin,” I call out walking into the loft. I look over at the bar and my eyes go wide with the sight of Michael sitting there, his face a showing his rage. 

“Where the fuck have you been,” Michael says through clenched teeth. I look closely at him and it looks like he’s been crying and I feel my heart beating faster. 

“Justin,” I call out again walking up the bedroom but he’s not there. 

”Where the fuck is Justin,” I ask him as I start to panic. 

“He’s at the hospital,” he says and I turn to walk toward the door but he stops me. 

“No we aren’t going anywhere until we have a little talk,” he says forcing me into the living room. 

“Mikey get the fuck off me, I need to go to Justin,” I plead with him. 

“NO,” he says pushing me down on the couch. 

“What the fuck is going on Brian? I trusted you to take care of him to be there for him. He called me crying begging me to come to the hospital, it fucking broke my heart to see him in that much pain. Now tell me what the fuck is going on,” he demands. Justin’s in pain…oh god, please let our child be okay, let him be okay. 

“It isn’t what you’re thinking. Lindsay has had me watching Gus almost everyday for the last month,” I say sadly. 

“What, why,” he asks. 

“Because she’s been working late and she couldn’t find a sitter, or so she says,” I say bitterly. 

“No she hasn’t. She’s been over at my place or over with my mom at least two or three nights a week,” he says. 

“Figures. I thought something more was going on. Two weeks ago, I demanded that she find a babysitter. She said she would but nothing had changed. Tonight for the first time in a month, Melanie came home before Lindsay did and asked where she was. I found out that Melanie had no idea what Lindsay was doing.”

“What was she doing Brian,” he whispers. 

“She would call and ask me to watch Gus and I would run to her to do it. I asked if Justin could come or if Gus could come over here but she said no. That she and Melanie thought that Justin was a bad influence on Gus. I wanted to see my son, so Justin stayed away from everything. She’s doing it because she’s pissed off about me having a kid with him and not her.”

“I thought Justin didn’t want to be around us anymore,” he says softly. 

“No, he didn’t want to upset Lindsay,” I reply bitterly. 

“Let’s go, he needs you,” he says standing up, pulling me with him. “But don’t you ever leave him alone like you have in the last month. I know that you love your son but damnit Brian he’s been alone, none of us have been around. He’s been completely alone, how do you think that makes him feel,” he asks. 

“Why haven’t you been around, you said that you weren’t going to abandon him,” I ask perplexed. One minute he’s always there the next he’s too fucking busy. 

“You know that Melanie and Lindsay asked for me to be the father of their baby. Lindsay has been spending a lot of time with Ben, Me, Mom and Vic discussing the baby and plans for the new baby, what we are going to do. I’ve been also working more to save up some money,” he says sadly. 

“Well now we know what Lindsay has been up to. Keep both of us preoccupied and away from Justin,” I say sadly. 

“Yeah it all makes sense now why Lindsay has taken such an interest in us all of a sudden,” he says sadly. JUSTIN. I grab him by the arm and yank him out of the loft. When we reach the Jeep, I hand him the keys because I’m fucking shaking too bad to drive. 

“What happened,” I ask as we drive away. 

“All I know is that when I got there he was hooked up to all sorts of machines. When he woke up, he started crying, his heart beating fast. He lost it, completely fucking lost it, and they had to sedate him to get him to calm down. He was hyperventilating so bad that his muscles started to spasm. Once he fell asleep, I talked to the doctor. He said that they found a heart murmur. It could be nothing but they wanted to monitor him for twenty-four hours to make sure it’s nothing serious. Justin said that he’s been feeling dizzy and really tired,” he explains. I remember all the times that Justin had stumbled or how much he slept. My heart hurts thinking about what Justin has gone through alone. Tears well up in my eyes and slide silently down my face, he’s been through so much and I haven’t been there for him. 

“Why…why didn’t he call me,” I ask. Michael looks over at me and stares into my eyes. 

“He did, your phone was off,” he says quietly and turns back to the road. I pull my phone out of my pocket and see that it is off. I turn it on and notice that I have a message. Listening to the call it’s Dr. Hammond saying that he’s admitting Justin to the hospital and I should get there ASAP. I close the phone and sigh heavily. 

When we reach the hospital, Michael drops me out in front and I run inside. He told me what room Justin was in and I run to the elevator and impatiently wait for it to reach his floor. When it finally arrives, I run down the hallway and into Justin’s room. When I reach it, Ben is sitting on the side of the bed, holding Justin’s hand. He looks up at me and smiles slightly, indicating to the chair across from him. 

I walk into the room and see that machines are attached to Justin. I kiss his face softly before sitting down beside him. I listen to the sound of his heartbeat with our baby’s and the tears fall down my face. I lie down beside him in the small bed and gather him in my arms, my tears disappearing in his hair. 

“I’m so sorry Justin, so fucking sorry,” I whisper over and over, the pain from knowing he went through this alone too much to bear. 

“Brian,” Mikey says behind me and I wipe my tears away and turn toward him. He’s standing with the doctor, I turn my head toward them to give the doctor my full attention but never let go of Justin. 

“How long will he be asleep,” I ask. 

“Only for about an hour more, it was a light sedative,” he says and I nod my head in understanding. 

“What happened,” I ask. 

“He has a heart murmur, we don’t know if it’s just because of the increased blood flow or if it’s an abnormal rhythm, that’s why we are monitoring his heart for the next twenty-four hours,” he explains. 

“Mr. Kinney, Justin is under a lot of stress. His blood pressure is the highest it’s ever been. What ever is stressing him out needs to be removed from the equation immediately, if it isn’t it will kill him and the baby,” he says seriously. I look down at the man in my arms and hug him to me tighter. I can’t lose him now, I can’t. Please God don’t let anything happen to him. Please. The room falls silent after the doctor’s words but I welcome the calm serenity of the room filled only by the sound of my partner’s and baby’s heartbeat.

I hold him in my arms for almost an hour before I feel his breathing shallow and he slowly starts moving. 

“You awake Justin,” I whisper. 

“Yea…what happened,” he asks tiredly. 

“They had to give you a sedative because you were hysterical. You were hyperventilating so your body is going to be really sore for a day or two,” I say hugging him tighter. 

“Sorry,” he says sadly. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong Justin. I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you,” I reply. 

“You were taking care of your son Bri,” he says reasonably. 

“Yea I was but I didn’t need to be. Lindsay was using Gus to become between us.”

“What,” he asks shocked, his heart rate increasing. I mentally kick myself for saying anything. 

“Justin, you have to stay calm or I can’t tell you,” I say caressing his stomach to calm him down. He takes a couple of deep breaths and his heart rate starts to slow down. 

“Now if I tell you, you have to stay calm. I’m pissed off enough for both of us. Deal,” I ask. 

“I’ll try,” he says. 

“No, that’s not good enough. You have to stay calm,” I say again. 

“Okay, I’ll stay calm.” I watch him closely, breathing deeply for a couple of minutes before I start telling him what happened.

“Lindsay was using Gus to keep us apart. She was calling me to baby-sit so that you were alone and she was off spending time with Debbie, Vic, Michael, and Ben. Michael is going to father their next child. Melanie had no idea what Lindsay was up to but it stops tonight. No more, I won’t allow her to come between the family and us. I’m so sorry Justin, so fucking sorry,” I say with tears in my eyes. 

“It’s okay Brian, it wasn’t your fault.”

“I should have seen through it,” I cry. 

“It isn’t your fault Brian, you couldn’t have known and you were only taking care of your child,” he replies. 

“But what about you and OUR child,” I ask. 

“We’re going to be okay. It’s just been a rocky road, but we're going to be okay,” he says reassuringly. 

“You better fucking be,” we hear from the door. We turn and see Debbie and Vic standing there tears in their eyes. 

“Sunshine,” she says moving into the room. “Are you okay?”

“Yea, just having a rough time,” he says. 

“I thought you didn’t want to be around us. I’m sorry I didn’t see what was happening,” Vic says coming and sitting beside Justin. 

“It wasn’t your fault. It was Lindsay’s,” he says sadly. 

“So how is my granddaughter doing?” Debbie asks changing the subject. I smile gratefully at her, not able to talk about my son’s mother. 

“She’s busy kicking and keeping me awake,” he says with a smile caressing his stomach. 

“Can I…” Vic asks indicating to his stomach. Justin grabs Vic’s hand and places it on his stomach, you can hear the movement through the machine, and Vic’s face lights up with a smile. 

“Hey don’t hog him,” Debbie exclaims pushing Vic’s hand away and touching his stomach. 

“That’s so beautiful,” she says her eyes wet with tears. Soon the room is full of the entire family each catching up with Justin. He’s smiling brightly, he eyes wet with unshed tears as he talks with everyone. 

About two hours later Justin’s eyes start to drift shut and I can tell that he’s trying to stay awake. I look down at my watch, see that it’s nearly midnight, and quietly recommend that everyone leave for the evening. 

“Let him know that we’ll come back and see him tomorrow,” Emmett says moving toward the door. 

“He gets discharged tomorrow, why don’t we just have a family dinner on Friday night at the loft,” I suggest, wanting some alone time with my partner. They all look at me closely, realize what I’m asking, and nod their head in agreement. 

“Okay Brian, give him our love,” Mikey says as he and Ben leave. One by one, they all exit the room each giving their love and promise to be there Friday night. After they have all left, I hold Justin in my arms; hoping that I can make everything better, that we can survive this, that everything will be okay. The stress over the last month has exhausted me and I find myself falling asleep with my partner in my arms. 

Justin’s POV

I wake up several times during the night, encased in Brian’s arms. I think back to what he said about Lindsay and wonder what I ever did to her, why did she suddenly hate me so much. I really don’t have the energy to deal with her, or what her problem is, I need to focus on the baby and Brian, they are the only ones that matter. I just hope that I can survive this pregnancy, one thing is for sure, I will NOT go through this again. When the doctor delivers the baby, he will fix it to where I can’t have any more children. I hope that Brian is okay with that, I’ll have to make sure to discuss it with him today.

I feel bad for Brian; he is going through so much right now. Me, the baby, Lindsay, Gus; I wonder how he will handle everything, will he become aloof and uncaring or will he talk to me. I really hope that we can work through this together. That this won’t tear us apart. I can only hope that we make it together. We have to; I can’t live with out him. I tried that and for two months, I was in pure hell. What ever it is, we’ll get through it together. I have to hold out hope for that. 

I sleep on and off for the rest of the early morning until finally it’s nearly eight and Dr. Hammond comes into the room to check on us. 

“How are you feeling today Justin,” Dr. Hammond says quietly, as Brian is still asleep. 

“I’m doing okay, ready to go home,” I say. 

“Well you only have about ten more hours to go,” Dr Hammond replies. I sigh heavily and he chuckles at my dramatics, which causes me to smile. 

“So how does it look,” I ask looking over to the heart monitor. 

“Everything is looking good. Your blood pressure is still high but not in a dangerous zone. Your heart is beating irregularly but we are certain that it is due to increased blood flow. We’re going to make this part of your weekly exams when you come in for your checkup,” he says looking over the papers. “You will have to make sure to tell me when you aren’t feeling good, exhaustion, dizziness, loss of color, all signs of arrhythmia.” I nod my head in understanding. 

“Why the dizziness and exhaustion then,” I ask. 

“Pregnancy affects everyone differently. This may be a symptom of your pregnancy,” he replies filing out my chart. 

“Okay I have some other rounds to make but we’ll finish watching you and if everything looks good, we’ll send you home early but only after we complete your ultrasound,” Dr. Hammond says before walking out of the room. I pray that my body holds up and that everything will be okay. I caress my stomach and pray to God that my baby will be okay, I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose her now. 

“Hey,” Brian says stretching beside me. I look over at him and smile before leaning down and kissing him softly. 

“Hey,” I reply leaning back from the brief kiss. 

“When is the doctor going to be here,” he asks sitting up, running his fingers through his hair before scrubbing his face with his hands. 

“He just left,” I reply. He whips around to look at me surprise written on his face. 

“Why didn’t you wake me? What did he say? Damnit Justin,” Brian said standing. 

“Hey,” I say trying to calm him down. “Dr. Hammond said that they were pretty sure that the heart murmur is due to the increase blood flow, they don’t want to do anything intrusive as of yet until the baby is born. If it doesn’t go away at that point then they’ll send me to a cardiologist specialist. He said that if everything goes good this morning then we could go home early. Oh and I’ll have an ultrasound this morning,” I say smiling. 

“Ultrasound,” he says smiling, he moves to sit back next to me, placing his hand on my stomach. 

“Yea,” I reply, running my fingers through his hair as he leans down and rests his head on my stomach. 

“Justin, you really should have woken me,” he says looking up at me. 

“Sorry, I will for now on,” I say sincerely. He smiles at me before nodding his head. 

“I’m going to go get some coffee,” he says sitting back up and pulling on his boots. “You want anything?”

“Yea can you get me a bagel and orange juice,” I ask sweetly. He smiles at me before nodding his head. Placing a soft kiss on my lips, he turns and leaves the room. 

Brian’s POV

After eating our breakfast in comfortable silence, I lay back down with him, cradling him in my arms. 

“So the realtor has some houses for us to look at. I really think we should look at them this week so that we can get everything moved in and the nursery set up before you have the baby,” I say. 

“Okay, just let me know when and we’ll go house hunting. Do you have a specific area in mind and what is our budget,” he asks.

“I took a look over our finances and we can easily afford up to about a million. I’m doing well with Kinnetic and you’re doing good with your paintings. I don’t have a specific area in mind, we’ll just see where the houses are and what we like,” I reply.

“Sounds reasonable,” he says snuggling into my arms. He grabs my hand and covers his stomach with it. I’m about to ask what when I feel our daughter kicking, I smile at the feel of her. I don’t think that I’ll ever tire of feeling it. 

“We also need to buy you a car. With having the baby YOU ARE NOT going to be riding around in public transportation,” I say with conviction, caressing his stomach.

“Wouldn’t dream of it Brian. I think I want an SUV, something big enough to haul around my paintings and the children but not too big that I can’t drive it.”

“Sounds reasonable, we’ll start looking on the internet when we get home,” I reply. He nods his head in agreement. We sit in silence for a little bit, enjoying our time together. 

“Hello Mr. Taylor,” a technician says pushing in a big machine, a smile on his face. 

“Hi Pat,” Justin says with a smile. He starts pulling up his shirt and I quickly cover his hands with my own, stopping his movement. 

“Justin what the fuck are you doing,” I ask in a low demanding voice. 

“Uhhh, Brian, Pat is here to do our ultrasound,” he says softly, smiling at me. I remove my hands from his as he pulls his shirt over his bulging stomach. Pat turns down the heart monitors so that the room is quiet. I watch as Pat sets up the machine, turning it on and going through the records, when he stops on Justin Taylor-Kinney. My breath catches slightly in my throat at the name but my mind doesn’t have time to wonder as the sound of Pat’s voice invades my thoughts.

“Okay Justin, I’m sorry but I didn’t have time to put this on the warmer so it’ll be cold,” he says squeezing the cold jelly on Justin’s stomach. I watch as he involuntarily shrinks back from the coldness and I chuckle softly. 

“Don’t worry…” Pat starts.

“It’ll warm up,” I say with a smile. I watch mesmerized as the technician places the wand on his stomach and starts moving it around. He turns the volume up on the machine and once again, I can hear the swooshing noise of my baby’s heart beating. I watch fascinated as the wand quickly moves around, never staying in one spot. 

“I’m going to check the baby’s heart first and then we’ll take measurements and I’ll point everything out to you,” Pat explains moving around quickly. He finally settles on the heart, I can see the little heart pumping the blood. He magnifies the heart and you can see the tiny organ as the machine counts the amount of beats and the blood rushing through the chambers. 

“No heart problems,” Justin asks. I squeeze his hand in my own, waiting for Pat’s word. 

“No Justin the baby’s heart looks healthy,” he says smiling slightly. 

“Okay, we are going to measure the baby’s head first,” Pat says moving the wand toward the head. I gasp at the first sight of my daughter. She looks like she was expecting her picture taken, he head is resting against her hands, her eyes open, smiling at us. I try to remain stoic but I can feel the tears prickle my eyes; I take a deep breath trying to control the emotions rushing through me. 

“She has long eye lashes and lots of hair,” he remarks. 

“How do you know,” I ask squeezing Justin’s hand in my own. 

“Hair shows up shinier than skin,” he explains. He starts going through everything, the length of the arms and legs, the size of her internal organs, everything. He prints a lot of picture for us for the baby book. I never imagined my life leading here and although it’s a lot to take in, many changes. I really think that it’s worth it. This baby hasn’t even come into the world yet but it’s already a major part of my life. Of our lives. 

“Okay Justin, Brian. Everything is looking good. I’ll see you next week,” Pat says taking the wand off Justin’s stomach. He hands him some tissue to clean up the mess on his stomach but I take them from Justin and wipe the goop off.

“That was amazing,” I say softly laying down and pulling him into my arms. 

“Yea, it was. It was so much better with you here with me,” he says. 

“You do this every week,” I ask.

“I told you that I did,” he replies.

“I didn’t realize that you did this, I just assumed they listed to the baby’s heartbeat,” I comment. “I won’t miss anymore Justin,” I say.

“If things come up Brian you can’t help it,” he says shrugging his shoulders.

“Nothing is more important,” I say closing my eyes, trying to push the pain away of missing so much. 

Justin’s POV

I can see the pain on Brian’s face and I wish I could say something to him to take that pain away but there isn't anything to take it away. I pull him in my arms and hold him against my chest, offering my love as his comfort. He sighs a little before wrapping his arms around me, holding me tightly. 

“I love you Brian,” I say softly against his head. 

“Me too, Justin,” he replies. We lay there in silence and I can’t help but wonder why Lindsay would do what she did. I thought that she was my friend, I loved her, and I still do. I just don’t like her very much right now. How could she use that sweet little boy against us, against his father? I will never understand her reasoning for it. I just hope in time that we can heal the pain that she has caused and become the family that we once were. I’ve missed everyone so much; I have never felt as empty as I have in the last month. I can feel the tears starting well up in my eyes and I squeeze them shut trying to keep the tears inside. I need to be strong for the baby and Brian. I need to remain strong but it’s a losing battle as the tears slide down my cheeks falling away into Brian’s hair. 

“Hey,” Brian says softly against my lips. I open my eyes and stare into his amazing hazel ones. I smile weakly at him and try to wipe my tears away but he stops me, taking my hands in his own, pinning them to the bed. He softly kisses my tears away, placing soft kisses my eyes, along my cheeks, neck, and jaw. I feel my need for him growing as his kisses become more passionate. 

“Uh hmmm,” I hear from the door. Brian groans at the intrusion but pulls back and turns toward the door. 

“Ahh Dr. Hammond, such great timing,” Brian says sarcastically. 

“Well I can come back later but I thought that you would want to take your partner home,” Dr. Hammond replies turning toward the door. 

“Don’t you go anywhere,” I call out to him. He turns back to us smiling brightly before walking toward us. 

“Well after monitoring your heart close to twenty four hours, I really don’t think there is any reason to be alarmed with the heart murmur. As I had said, they are common in pregnancy and should disappear after the birth of your child. I’m going to go ahead and release you but I want you to be careful, remember NO stress. It isn’t healthy for you or the baby Justin. You two do what ever you have to, to make sure that you remain stress free for the next one to two months. Anything out of the ordinary, I want you to come back right away,” Dr. Hammond explains to us. As he was talking, he was removing the electrodes from my chest, freeing me from my confines. I breath a sigh of relieve, home, I get to go home. 

“Don’t’ worry Doc, I’ll make sure that the rest of this pregnancy is easy on him,” Brian says standing up from the bed. He and Dr. Hammond talk quietly for a couple more minutes before Dr. Hammond turns and walks from the room. I gently climb out of bed, noticing that it’s getting more and more difficult to climb out of bed with my stomach but alas, I’m up on my feet pulling on my clean fresh clothes. 

“You ready,” Brian asks as I pull my shirt over my head. 

“Yea let’s get the fuck out of here,” I say smiling at him. He walks over to me, kissing me deeply, before taking my hand and leading me to the wheel chair. I smile at him as I climb into my ‘chariot’, relieved to be finally going home with Brian. 

Two Days Later

“Come on Justin, it’s time to get up,” Brian says bringing me out of my sleep. 

“No, don’t wanna,” I says gruffly. 

“We have a lot to do today Justin. We have some houses to look at an SUV to pick up,” he says seriously. I immediately sit up with wide eyes. 

“You got me a car,” I ask smiling. 

“Is that all you heard,” he asks smiling at me. I nod my head emphatically and he just smiles brighter. “Yes I got you an SUV but we can’t get it until you get your lazy fat ass out of bed.” 

“I’m not fat,” I say pouting but getting out of bed. I try to sit up but it feels like I have a ton of bricks sitting on my body holding me down. I roll over onto my side and start pushing myself up slowly. Brian laughs at me before coming over and helping me stand up, supporting my lower back. Being seven months pregnant sucks and it’s only going to get worse, I’m only going to get bigger. My feet and ankles are already swelling up and I’ve taken to wearing slip on shoes so that I can kick them off easily when they get too tight. 

“Come on Justin, let’s take a shower, and get ready to go. We’ll pick up the car first and then go look at the houses,” Brian says leading me into the bathroom. 

“I don’t want to drive separate cars Brian,” I say pouting slightly. For the lat two days, we’ve been together non-stop. He’s been here to give me my medicine, hold my hand during the monitoring. To talk to me about the future, our wants, hopes and desires. He’s never been so open with me; he no longer hides behind the mask of indifference. We have talked about everything in the last two days, including Lindsay and Gus. What she did hurt us both badly, I love Gus as my own child and I can’t believe that she would use him to get between Brian and me. I hope that time will heal all the pain but I’m not sure that it will or when it will. She’s hurt us both badly and I honestly don’t know if I can forgive her. 

“Hey, stop thinking, this is supposed to be happy time,” Brian says cupping my cheek. I smile at him but I can’t help the tears that fall helplessly down my cheeks. 

“I can’t help it, it hurts Brian,” I say trying to stop the pain. 

“We’ll work through it Justin, we always have, we always will,” he says reassuringly. I smile at him and nod my head. 

“Damn hormones,” I say with a laugh and climb into the shower. 

“Maybe next time it won’t be so bad,” he says tongue in cheek. I look at him horrified; I’m not going through this again. He must see the horrified expression on my face because he smiles sweetly at me. 

“I’m just kidding Justin. You’re not going through this again. I can’t stand to see you in pain and then the possibility of losing you. No, when we get through this, I want you to make it so you can’t have any more children,” he says softly, full of love. I nod my head because I was going to do that anyway. I guess I really should have discussed it with him first but it’s my body and I don’t want to go through this again. 

“Come on the water is nice and hot, just like you like it,” he says guiding me into the shower. I smile at him as the water rushes over us. We move sensually against each other, washing away the grime of the day before. I close my eyes and lean back against him as he massages my scalp; he pushes me under the water, rinsing the soap from my hair. I have let it grow and now it's constantly falling into my face. 

“Maybe you should get it cut,” he says reading my mind. I smile slightly that he’s able to read me so well now days. 

“Yea, maybe,” I murmur. I feel him push me against the shower wall and his hands start massaging me everywhere, my shoulders, arms, hands. He moves his hands up to my chest, his fingers caressing, pinching, and rubbing my nipples; I moan from the sensation, arching my back pushing further into him. Being pregnant has made my body over sensitized; every intimate caress turns me on. I feel him rest his head against my stomach, my hard cock poking him in the neck, his hands resting on my hips. I weave my fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp as he rests against me. He kisses softly across my stomach sucking, licking, and kissing my bulging stomach. I thought that this would turn me off but it’s highly erotic. He moves down my body, nips, and sucks at my protruding navel before moving further down. He sucks on the head of my cock and I gasp at the sensation, tightening my fingers in his hair. 

“Oh god,” I moan. His hands have moved from my hips and he’s squeezing my ass cheeks in his hands, massaging them. 

“More,” I beg of him, thrusting my hips toward him. I need to cum, NOW. I feel his hot mouth take me all the way in, my head resting against the back of his throat. 

“Yesss,” I moan out as he starts moving up and down my shaft. His fingers have moved between my cheeks and I can feel him massaging my tight hole, relaxing it, the water acting as the lube. I start thrusting forward, fucking his face diligently, needing, and wanting to get off. He pushes his finger into my ass, teasingly, pulling it back out before plunging back in. I still my movements, and as he goes to push it back in, I slam backwards, capturing his finger. I move forward, fucking his face before pushing back on his finger. His finger moves inside of me until it finds my sweet swollen spot and I moan as the electric shocks shoot through my body. I tighten my hands on his shoulders as I fuck myself wantonly, savoring the feel of his mouth and his fingers. 

“Brian,” I moan as my orgasm rushes through me as he rubs my prostate, never letting up, applying constant pressure, his hot mouth sucking me dry, taking everything that I have, drinking all of me until there is nothing left. My knees feel like jelly and he gently helps me to the floor, I lazily look up at him, my face graced with a silly smile. I pull him to me and kiss him deeply, tasting myself on his tongue. I move one of my hands from his shoulder and trail it down his chest before reaching his massive hard-on. 

“Let me take care of that for you,” I say moving to my knees. Something that once was so effortless now takes me a lot of maneuvering. He chuckles softly as he stands up and rests against the shower wall. I bite his inner thigh hard, telling him without words that I didn’t appreciate him laughing at me. 

“It’s just so damn cute…” he starts to say but I take him down my throat in one swift motion, silencing his words. He grips my hair tightly in his fists and starts pivoting his hips. I relax my throat and allow him to fuck my face. I love it when he takes control, when he uses me for his pleasure, allows me to use him. I reach up and gently tug on his balls, squeezing them in my hands, rolling them around, massaging them. 

“Oh fuck…” Brian moans as his body tenses and his sweet nectar spews into my mouth. I pull back to allow his spunk to splash against my tongue. I greedily eat his cum, swallowing his sweet essence. I keep some in my mouth to share with him but as I try to stand up, I realize that from this position it’s nearly impossible with the extra weight. I quickly swallow the rest of his spunk and look up to him with pleading eyes. He looks so beautiful, his head thrown back, eyes closed, his chest heaving. 

“Bri,” I say quietly. He doesn’t hear me so I repeat his name louder and pop him on the thigh. He opens his eyes and stares down at me. 

“Help me,” I ask blushing fiercely but holding my hands up to him.

“But I like you on your knees,” he replies. 

“Fuck you,” I say smiling. “Now help me up.” I demand. He laughs slightly at me but grabs my elbows and helps me stand. I wrap my arms around him and kiss him deeply, passing his taste back to him. 

“Mmmm…you are a stingy man, not saving any for me,” he says leaning back from the kiss. 

“Yea well, I’m not as in good of shape as I used to be,” I say scowling at him. 

“No you are in better shape,” he says kissing me softly. We laugh at his comment and climb out of the now cold shower after rinsing off again. We finish our morning routines and get dressed, I can’t wait until I have this baby, I am so fucking tired of wearing sweat pants and t-shirts. I never thought I would be tired of my once favorite ensemble. He gives me a shot before grabbing the cordless and calling the taxi company, arranging for our pickup in half an hour. I smile thinking about our day, picking up our new car, house shopping, and then a family dinner. Yes I think today is going to be an excellent day.

Brian’s POV

When we arrive at the car dealership, I quickly usher him through the door before he has a chance to really look around or ask questions. I can see him furrow his brows as I lead him into the building. 

“Can I help you sir,” the attendant asks. 

“Yes I’m here to pickup a special order,” I say. 

“You’re name sir,” she asks. 

“Justin Taylor-Kinney,” I say. I look over my shoulder at Justin and see his eyebrows shoot up. She looks through the records. 

“Ahh, yes sir, let me have the attendant bring it to the front. All I need is your signature on a few documents,” the woman says. I nod my head in understanding. “Please follow Mr. Smith into the office while we bring your car up front,” she says smiling. Justin and I walk into the room and have a seat. We quickly go through all of the paperwork and had to remind Justin a couple times to sign his name as Justin Taylor-Kinney. I can see the question in his eyes, he wants to know what the fuck I’m doing, but honestly, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. After seeing his name written that way at the hospital, at first, it freaked me out but now two days later, I like the way it sounds. I want him to have my name. 

“Well Mr. Taylor-Kinney, Mr. Kinney all the paperwork is in order, shall we pick up your car,” Mr. Smith asks handing me the keys. I hand them over to Justin and then walk him out of the small office. We walk out of the building where a dark blue Lexus RX 330 is waiting for us. His mouth drops open as he looks at the SUV and then back at me. 

“Brian,” he asks shocked. 

“Justin, I saw the way your eyes lit up when we saw this one on the internet. I know you liked it and after I check around it has a great safety rating,” I explain. He launches himself into my arms excitedly and I laugh at his exuberance. 

“You like,” I ask him. 

“Yes. Thank you,” he exclaims before kissing me passionately. I hold him in my arms squeezing him tightly against me, well as close as we are capable of getting. Everyday he seems to be getting bigger. But he’s more beautiful today than he has ever been. He glows so beautifully, he just glows. I lean back from the kiss and caress his face. 

“We need to go Justin, we have some houses to see,” I say smiling at him. He laughs a happy joyous laugh before trying to jog around the SUV but it turns more into a waddle, I laugh at his walk. It’s so fucking cute. Damn that word, cute, man I’m becoming a lesbian. 

“You’re not,” he says turning on the engine. 

“I’m not what,” I ask. 

“You’re not turning into a lesbian,” he says smiling at me. How the fuck does he do that, how does he know what I’m thinking?

“Because I love you,” he answers. “Okay, where are we going now,” he asks. I direct him toward a house, a house that could quite possibly become our home. 

After looking at five houses and wasting six hours, I’m ready to call it quits. None of the houses fit what we want and need. 

“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Justin says leaning back in the passenger seat. He started to get tired from all of the walking around and asked me to drive. 

“No, let’s see it. It’s the last house for today and then we can start looking again in a couple of days,” I reply. 

“Okay. Wake me up when we get there,” he says groggily and I wonder if this is too much for him. I consider calling the realtor and telling him never mind but then figure we’ll at least drive past it and if it doesn’t look right then I’ll call him and tell him that we don’t want to see it.

We drive for fifteen minutes when we turn down a beautiful street. The street has trees on both sides and I can feel myself relaxing. There are children playing in the streets and in front of the houses, parents, some same sex parents and some breeders, are watching from their porches or are playing in the yards. I smile at the scene, realizing that at one time this is something that I never wanted. I can feel myself relax in this area. It isn’t far from Liberty Avenue, only about ten minutes, which means we are still close to our friends, family, and work. We pull into a driveway of a beautiful red brick two story home. It has a horseshoe drive way and a three-car garage. There are shrubs lining the front of the house with a couple of rose bushes in between the shrubs. The front of the house has large bay windows and a large double front door. I smile before turning toward my sleeping lover. 

“Justin,” I say softly caressing his face. He moans and shifts in his sleep but doesn’t open his eyes. 

“Justin,” I say louder shaking his shoulder. 

“What,” he groans. 

“We’re here Jus,” I say softly. He sits up and rubs his eyes with his balled up fists and I smile at the sight of him. He looks so much like a little boy when he does it. He finally looks at the house and he smiles brightly at it, then turns, and looks at me. 

“Wow,” he says opening the door and climbing out of the car but I notice that his shoes are still lying on the floor. 

“Justin, your shoes,” I remind him. 

“No, my feet hurt so they are going to have to accept me walking around bare foot,” he says without looking back at me. I laugh slightly at his stubbornness before jumping out of the SUV and meeting him in front of the car. I wrap my arms around him and he leans back against my chest. 

“I like this house,” he says. 

“We haven’t even seen the inside Justin,” I say realistically. 

“I like this house Brian,” he says more firmly moving out of my arms. I smile at him and know that this is our new home.

We take a tour of the beautiful house and immediately I fall in love with it. On the first floor, there is a sitting room, dinning room, very large kitchen and an entertainment room, and three bedrooms. One looks like its large enough to be the master bedroom, it has its own bathroom with a built in jet tub in a sunroom that has a door leading to the backyard. It also has a very large closet that walks into the bathroom with a standalone shower. The other two rooms face the street and have benches in front of the windows and a large bathroom that has a door joining the two rooms. Upstairs is a large sitting area with a mini kitchen. Walking into the master bedroom, I’m amazed by its size and design. It has a bathroom off to one side of the room with a jet tub and stand-alone shower. The closet is big enough that it would be easy to convert into a bedroom. There is a large office with oak bookcases built into the walls and is setup for cable and multiple telephone lines. The next room is a large room; it will be perfect as a studio for Justin. The room is all tiled and has numerous workbenches and other types of storage on one of the walls. The other three walls are floor to ceiling windows and the ceiling has five large sun windows. It also has a door the leads out onto a patio with a hot tub and winding staircase down to the backyard.

“I love this house Brian,” he says smiling brightly at his new studio. 

“We’ll take it William,” I say turning toward the realtor. He looks relieved, nods his head, and quickly pulls out his cell phone. Justin and I tour the house as he talks on the phone and each room we fall a little bit more in love with the house. 

“This room will be perfect for the nursery and the room joining it could be the playroom. Unless you want to turn the entertainment room into the playroom, which would work too, you know we could have everything set up in there.” Justin rambles as he starts making plans for the house. I see him wobble a little bit and quickly make my way toward him. I take him in my arms and hold him to me. 

“I think we’ve had enough excitement for one day,” I tell him caressing his stomach. Our daughter seems to be very active today as I feel her move around, pushing her feet and hands out. 

“Damn is she hungry or something,” I ask him. 

“No she’s just anxious to get out,” he says laughing. I guide him over to the steps and have him sit down, he’s resting back on his elbows his arms straight out in front of him. 

“So this is the house,” he asks smiling at me. 

“You know it twat,” I say smirking at him. We talk quietly about our plans for the house, the furniture that we need to buy for the house and specifically the nursery. 

“You know we haven’t talked about names yet, it’s only one or two months away now,” he says resting his head against the stairs. 

“I know, I’ve been trying to think up some names but I can’t pick just one name yet,” I say running through the list of names that I’ve considered. 

“Yea me too, I think that we should each pick some names and then select the baby’s full name from our ideas,” he says logically. 

“I like that idea,” I say smiling at him. I lean over to kiss him softly. 

“Okay gentlemen, I’ve called the listing realtor and I’m going to send over an offer letter today. I should have an answer for you within the next couple of days,” he says smiling at us. 

“That’s great. We’ll be waiting for news. We’ve been approved for a lot more than the listing cost of this house, so we shouldn’t have a problem. Although we’ll do anything to push through the closing,” I say shaking Williams’s hand. 

“I’ll see what I can do,” he says. I nod my head in agreement and help Justin stand up; we walk hand in hand out of our new home. We’re offering the listing price of the house and we’ll offer more if we have to, we want this house. When we get back into the car, I notice that Justin’s hands are shaking a little bit when he tries to put on his seat belt. 

“Justin you need to eat a snack right now,” I tell him. He looks at me for a second before nodding his head. He reaches into his bag and pulls out a granola bar and a bottle of orange juice. We ride back to the loft in silence only the sound of the radio filling the comfortable void. I keep looking over at him, watching as he eats his entire granola bar and drink his juice. 

“You know we don’t have to do the family dinner tonight if you don’t want to,” I say pulling up in front of the loft. 

“No, I want to get together with everyone. I miss them Brian,” he says sadly. I cup the back of his neck, caressing the soft skin. 

“Hey, it’s okay. Let us go upstairs and you rest while I order the food for tonight. Okay,” I suggest gently. 

“Okay. I’m pretty tired,” he says unbuckling his seat belt. I’m happy to see that he’s no longer shaking now. When we get back into the loft, I guide him to the bedroom, lay him down into bed, and tuck him in. 

“Sleep Justin, I’ll wake you up when people arrive if you don’t wake before hand,” I say kissing his forehead. 

Justin’s POV

When I finally wake up it’s to the chatter of people from the living room. I smile as I hear Brian laughing with Debbie. Emmett fussing over the dinner, Vic laughing with Rodney, Michael, and Ben talking about the new baby everything is the way it should be, except that I’m in bed and they are all out there. I gently climb out of bed and go to the bathroom before heading into the living room. I see Brian resting against the bar, drink in hand; I walk over to him and lean against his back wrapping him in my arms. 

“You were supposed to wake me up,” I say quietly. 

“Wanted you to sleep,” he replies. “You need you rest Justin and you didn’t miss anything. Not really anyway.” I nod my head before leaning up on my toes and kiss him right behind the ear, sucking slightly on his hot spot. 

“Twat,” Brian gasps quietly. I chuckle slightly before walking over to our family. 

“Now that Justin is up let’s eat,” Michael says smiling at me. I laugh at him before walking over to the table and sitting down. 

“How are you feeling Justin,” Ted asks. 

“I’m doing okay. It’s a hell of a ride though, one that I won’t be repeating,” I reply. 

“What do you mean,” Emmett asks. 

“When I have the baby, Brian and I have agreed that I won’t carry anymore so they’ll fix it where I can’t get pregnant again,” I reply. 

“Are you sure you want to do that? You’re still so young Justin,” Debbie comments. 

“Deb, Justin has had one hell of a pregnancy. Between the high blood pressure, the asthma, and now the heart murmur. I don’t want him going through this again. I don’t want to risk…losing him,” Brian says quietly. I reach over, rest my hand against his thigh, and squeeze gently. He smiles at me slightly before looking back to our family. 

“So have you seen the baby,” Ben asks. I see Brian’s spirit lift immediately and he gets up from the table. He brings back the ultrasound pictures and starts passing them around. 

“Yes, I saw her the morning he was discharged. It was amazing, to see my child, our child inside of him,” he says fondly, resting his hand against my stomach. 

“Wow these are amazing. I never really paid attention to your appointments,” Michael replies. 

“Yea, it’s definitely something that you should do with Melanie when she’s pregnant,” I recommend. 

“I will, if she gets pregnant,” he says sadly. 

“She will Michael, it just takes time,” Brian says, trying to comfort our friend. 

“I don’t know if I want her to have my baby anymore,” Michael says quietly. 

“Why the fuck would you say something like that,” Deb demands. 

“After what Lindsay did, I don’t know if I would trust her with my baby. What’s to say she won’t pull that same shit with Ben and me?”

“Michael, Lindsay did what she did because of Brian and me. She wanted a baby with Brian and when he said no, it hurt her. But when I got pregnant it destroyed the last of her fantasy of ever being in a hetro relationship with Brian,” I reply logically. 

“What she did was fucked up and why the fuck are you making excuses for her,” Vic demands. I was surprised hearing this coming from Vic of all people; he has always been the logical one of the family. 

“Because I love her and I have to believe that she didn’t do this out of malice but out of her dreams being crushed. She has always been there for me and I can’t give up hope that she didn’t do this to purposefully hurt me,” I say quietly.

“Justin, she kicked you out of the family and tried to tear you and Brian apart,” Emmett replies.

“But she is the mother of our child. My son that I haven’t seen in over a month, I won’t alienate her, I can’t lose her or Gus,” I say trying to keep my tears back. Brian pulls me into his arms trying to comfort me. 

“You’re a good man Justin,” Ted says softly. I chuckle slightly at his comment but it comes out more like a sob. I miss Gus so fucking much and would do almost anything to see him. 

“So what are you guys going to do,” Michael asks. 

“Take one day at a time. Try to repair the damage that was done. I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to trust her like I once did but I’ll forgive her and I think you all of you should too.”

“We will but it’ll take time,” Vic says sadly, the rest of their family murmur their agreement. 

“So what did you boys do today,” Ben asks changing the subject. I look over at him gratefully but before I can comment, Brian starts talking. 

“We picked up Justin’s new car and we went looking for a house.”

“So you finally convinced him to get a car,” Michael says with a laugh. 

“Yea it didn’t take much convincing though. I told him that he would not be taking our daughter on public transportation,” Brian says proudly. I laugh at him a little wondering why it took me so long to buy a car. 

“What kind of car?”

“It’s a dark blue Lexus RX300,” I say happily. 

“Oh baby, those are nice,” Emmett says gushing. 

“Yea,” I agree nodding my head. 

“You boys are buying a house,” Deb asks. 

“Yes we found one today that we loved so we put an offer in,” Brian replies.

“Well when you get it, you better invite us over,” Vic says smiling.

“We will. We’ll need your help moving too. Justin won’t be able to do anything really so it’ll be up to us and the moving company to get everything shifted.” We lose ourselves talking about the house, the move, and the baby. Brian mentions all the furniture and baby stuff that we need to buy which launches into talking about a baby shower. Brian looks horrified at the prospect but Emmett and Debbie throwing us a baby shower, but they promise that they will do it elegantly and with class. Brian seems to relax a little but has reserved the right to not be present, he may think that now but he’ll fucking be there. I’ll make sure of it. I smile thinking about all the negotiating that we will have, damn being pregnant has made my mind naughty and my body hornier than ever. 

After cleaning up, we settle in the living room talking about the plans. I feel myself start to drift off to sleep resting against Brian, his hands caressing my stomach. The soft stroking, easing me into sleep. I hear Michael recommend that they leave and I try to sit up but I’m so damn tired to move. I keep my eyes closed as everyone comes around saying by to us. I mumble my own goodbye and burrow further into Brian’s arms. 

“Come on Justin, let’s go to bed. You also need to take you medicine.” 

“Okay,” I say sleepily. He gently pushes me up, climbs out from behind me before helping me up, and guides me to bed and helps me undress. I crawl into bed and immediately pull my body pillow between my legs, burrowing into it. I feel Brian wipe the alcohol pad against my hip and then the sting of the needle pushing into my skin. I hiss slightly from the common sting before falling into oblivion.


	4. Life Changes

One Month Later

Brian’s POV

“Come on Justin, we have to sign the papers before we can take possession,” I yell out from the living room. 

“I’m fucking coming Brian. Damnit you try being eight months pregnant and move fast,” he yells from the bedroom. In the last month, Justin has gotten really big. Not fat, he’s only gained 24 pounds since getting pregnant but his stomach has expanded and pushed out. He can no longer bend over but has to squat to pick up anything from the floor. He’s always resting his hands underneath his stomach, as if he’s trying to pick it up. His back is constantly hurting and I’ve started giving him a nightly massage with him lying on his side, his body pillow nestled between his thighs. He has difficulty sleeping anymore, tossing and turning most of the night and exhausted during the day. I can’t wait for this pregnancy to be over, just so he’ll be comfortable again. I watch as he walks out of the bedroom, his hand resting against his back, the other one resting on his stomach. 

“Okay, let’s go get our house,” he says smiling at me. I walk over to him, pull him into my arms, and stare into his beautiful blue eyes. I caress his cheek, leaning down I kiss his soft pouty lips. 

“You happy,” I ask. I don’t know why but his happiness means the world to me but it does. I just want him to be happy and safe. 

“Immensely,” he says smiling at me. I kiss him one more time before pulling back and guiding us through the loft door. Once we found out that the sellers agreed to our offer, Justin and I have packed the entire loft. We would do a little every night until last week we had the entire loft packed except for our clothes. We also went back to the house and took many pictures so that we could start buying furniture for the massive space. We took a loan out greater than the cost of the house so that we could furnish it all at once and bought most of the furniture on the internet. We’ve scheduled to have the furniture delivered later this week, except for our new bedroom suite, which they will deliver tomorrow. The moving company will be here tomorrow to shift all of our stuff to the new house and unload it for us. 

“Do you think we should take the family up on their offer,” Justin asks bringing me out of my thoughts. The family had offered to help us unpack the house so that Justin could rest but as anal as both of us are, we’re afraid that we’ll get more aggravated than they would help. 

“I think we should, they know better than to cross us or piss us off. Besides we still have to go shopping for the rest of the baby’s things, we’ve only bought the furniture,” I remind him. 

“Okay, but if they start pissing me off, please you deal with it. You know that I’m too damn emotional.” He’s right; his emotions are all over the place. One minute he’s happy and then he’s crying, sad, angry, or just depressed. Have I said that I hope he has this baby soon?

“It’s okay Justin, I know that you can’t control it,” I say caressing his thigh. 

“Yea, I just hate it,” he says looking out the window. “I feel so out of control, just like after the bashing,” he says softly. 

“But this is a much better reason and it’s almost over. Soon we’ll have a baby that’ll be our own little drama princess, you’ll be promoted to drama queen,” I remark trying to make him laugh and he does. I smile to myself, happy that I’m able to help him, even if it is only a little bit. 

“So…um…once we sign the papers we get the keys today right,” Justin said bouncing his leg. 

“Yea, what do you have in mind,” I ask him, knowing he wants to go see the house again. 

“Well, I want to go see it again and then we can go to the store,” he says smiling at me. I nod my head in agreement, as we arrive at the realtor’s office. When we get inside, we are quickly ushered into William’s office, where William already has the papers waiting for us. 

“Good Morning Brian, Justin. I just need you to sign this paperwork and then we’ll be through and I can give you the keys,” he says smiling at us. Justin starts looking through the paperwork but stops before he has to sign. 

“This says Justin Taylor-Kinney, that isn’t my legal name,” Justin says looking at William then at me. 

“No but it’s an alias that you have been using for almost a year, so we decided to put it on the mortgage,” William explains. Justin shrugs his shoulders and then quickly reads the documents before signing each page and initialing in all the right spots. He pushes the papers over to me and I read them before signing also. The entire process takes about an hour as William explains everything we are signing and when our first payment will be do, the normal closing information. William stands up, takes all the papers with him, and comes back fifteen minutes later with a copy of said papers and the keys to the house. Justin pushes himself out of the chair, takes the keys from William, and shakes his hand firmly. 

“Thank you very much William,” he says smiling brightly. I follow his lead and soon we are back in our car and heading to our new home his smile never disappearing from his beautiful face. 

“So Brian when are you going to ask me to marry you,” Justin asks, his eyes sparkling and his ‘sunshine’ smile in place. I smile over at him, realizing that it’s now or never. He already uses my name. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” I say evenly. 

“The fuck you don’t Brian. First, the car is in Justin Taylor-Kinney and now the house is. What gives,” he asks still smiling. 

“Look in my briefcase,” I say softly. He reaches behind the seat and pulls my briefcase in front of him. He quickly unlocks the briefcase and pulls out the papers on top that are in a manila folder that says “Taylor-Kinney.” He looks at me for a second before going through the papers, tears running down his cheeks. After thinking about it the last month, I had Melanie draw up the papers to join us as domestic partners as well as change his name legally. He looks over at me with a watery smile. 

“Really,” he asks. 

“Well our child will have both of our names, so I thought that you should have my name as well,” I say softly, anxious to here his answer. Even though I know that he loves me and isn’t going anywhere, all this shit is still so new to me. I still can’t believe everything that has changed in the last eight months but I wouldn’t change it for the world, I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy. 

“Yes,” he says, placing his hand on my thigh. He leans over, places a soft kiss on my neck, and rests his head against my shoulder. I smile at him and wrap one arm around his shoulders, hugging him to me. 

“Love you Brian,” he says softly. Words aren’t necessary as I squeeze him to me tightly. He knows how I feel; I think for once that my actions speak louder than any words that I could say. 

When we arrive at the house, Justin slowly climbs out of the Lexus and walks up to the house and insert the key into the lock. He waits for me to cover his hand with my own and we turn the key and open the door. 

“It’s really ours isn’t it,” he says in awe, walking around the house, touching everything. I put the bag on the floor, pull out the bottle, and unwrap a couple of crystal flutes.

“Come here,” I say. He turns toward me and looks at the bottle in my hands and then into my eyes. He smiles slightly before walking toward me. 

“What are you doing,” he asks coming to stand in front of me. 

“I’m celebrating our new home,” I reply. I pop the cork on the sparkling cider before pouring us each a glass. 

“To our new home and many happy years here,” I say smiling at him. 

“To us,” he remarks. We drink our Sparkling Cider and then place the glasses on the floor. I take his hand in my own and pull him against my body. I stare into his eyes for a few moments before slowly lowering to meet his lips. I kiss him gently at first, softly, full of love and passion. The kiss immediately turns more passionate as our tongues twist around each other. He wraps his arms around my neck, pulling me against him. I wrap my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. 

“God I need you,” Justin moans. I immediately pull back and stare into his face. 

“Not here Jus, there isn’t a bed,” I whisper against his lips. 

“Floor,” he gasps rubbing his hand against my hard cock. I moan from the sensation, wishing that once again we could grind against each other. It feels so good to have him rubbing against me but I shake my head to clear my lust filled mind. 

“Justin, I’m not fucking you on the floor. If you weren’t pregnant, sure, but you are and it’s hard for you to get down that low. Besides I thought you wanted to go shopping,” I remind him taking a step back. 

“When have they scheduled the c-section for again,” he asks looking down at his body. 

“In two months Justin,” I remind him smiling at his childlike behavior. He takes a deep breath before looking up to meet my eyes, he smiles shyly before turning and walking toward the door. 

“Well let’s go then and I think we should have a house cleaning service come in before tomorrow,” he says walking out of the house, me on his heels. 

“I’ve already called the same company we use and they’ll be here tomorrow morning. I’ll come by and unlock the house for them and they’ll be done before the movers get here with out stuff,” I reply as we climb into the SUV. He nods his head in agreement but squirms slightly in his seat. I smile as I watch him rub his cock a couple of times before resting his hands on his stomach. This pregnancy has really made the boy horny. I shake my head at the thought and turn toward Babies R Us. God am I really going into that store.

Half way to the store my cell phone starts ringing from the center consul. I pickup the cell phone and stare at the caller-id. I think about it for a couple of seconds before flipping the phone open. 

“Yea,” I answer. 

“Hi Brian, I was hoping that you and Justin could come over,” Mel says. I look over to Justin and stare into his beautiful face, his eyes questioning me. 

“Justin, Mel wants us to go over,” I say softly. He thinks for a moment for nodding his head his head in agreement and rests his head against the headrest. 

“We’ll be over in a little bit,” I say flipping the phone closed. 

“We don’t have to go Justin,” I say hesitantly. 

“Yea we do,” he replies never opening his eyes. I nod my head and concentrate on driving, thinking about what they could want. 

Justin’s POV

When we arrive at Mel and Lindsay’s I stare at the house for a couple of minutes before climbing out of the SUV. I hope everything goes okay, I mean, in the last month we’ve gotten to see Gus a couple of times for a couple of hours, but it is always Mel who brings him. Neither Brian nor I have talked to Lindsay since the truth came out. 

“You okay,” Brian asks standing beside me. I nod my head but take his hand in my own and squeeze. 

“It’ll be okay, I promise,” he says squeezing my hand back. We walk in silence up to the door and ring the doorbell. Mel opens the door and ushers us into the living room, where Lindsay is sitting and looking down at her hands. 

“Where’s Gus,” Brian asks. I’m grateful that he did because I really don’t want to have this conversation in front of my little boy. 

“He’s with Debbie,” Melanie answers sitting next to Lindsay. Brian sits down on the recliner and pulls me on top of him. Presenting to Lindsay a united front, I burrow in his arms and rest my hands over his, protecting our child. 

“Why are we here,” I ask finally breaking the silence. Lindsay looks up at us, comfortable in each other’s arms and looks away from us. 

“I wanted to say sorry,” she says quietly. 

“For what Lindsay? For using our son as a pawn, for cutting off Justin from the entire family, for trying to make me choose. For what Lindsay,” Brian says angrily. 

“For everything, I’m so sorry. I was jealous, we, I, we wanted to have another child with you and you said no. You made it seem like you didn’t want any more children and even though it broke my heart I could deal with it. But it wasn’t that, you didn’t want any more children with me, you were more than happy to have a child with Justin. How was that supposed to make me feel? I’m the mother of your only child and you wouldn’t have anymore with me but with…your lover,” Lindsay exclaims. 

“Why is that so hard to believe Lindsay? You are having a child with your lover, your partner, so why can’t we do the same? I would only be the sperm donor as I was with Gus, I would have no rights to him, I don’t get any say in his day-to-day life, how you are raising him. I’m just the glorified babysitter; Justin and I both are. I didn’t want to go through that again. I didn’t want to bring another child into this world to only have you take him away from me,” Brian replies, holding me tighter against him. 

“But we weren’t going to take him away from you; yes you would sign over your parental rights like you did with Gus but you would be allowed to see him or her.”

“Don’t you see, that isn’t what he wanted, he wants to be a full time parent but it was a child for you and Melanie so it would be the same, him being a part time dad when either or both of you needed a break or would allow us to have some time with him or her. He wants more than that, we both do. But you had no right to do what you did, to use our son to get between Brian and me. What the fuck is wrong with you,” I yell at her, no longer able to control my anger. 

“You just did this to hurt me. How could you do this Justin,” Lindsay cried. 

“Lindsay how the hell did I do this to hurt you. I’m eight months pregnant, which means you didn’t ask Brian to be the father until I was already three months pregnant,” I say trying to calm my rapidly beating heart. 

“This isn’t why I invited you guys to come. I want us to work everything out we ARE a family. And Justin, you need to calm down, it isn’t good for you or the baby,” Melanie says trying to calm us all down. I take a deep breath and settle back against Brian’s body, closing my eyes. 

“It just hurts,” Lindsay says with tears in her eyes. 

“It hurts because you wanted your kids to be related or because you wanted to keep your fantasy alive that you and Brian will one day be together,” I ask staring right at her. There is a collective gasp in the room and Lindsay looks down at her hands, everywhere but at Brian or me. 

“No,” she whispers. 

“I don’t fucking believe you Lindsay,” Melanie says her own anger taking control. 

“I just wanted…I just wanted to give Brian what nobody else could,” she says tears running down her face. 

“You did Lindsay. You were the only woman I ever fucked. But I’m gay and I could never love you like I do Justin, never,” Brian replies. 

“But if I could give you something that he couldn’t then you would always love me,” she says sadly and I can see the desperation in her face. Brian gently pushes me off him and goes to crouch in front of Lindsay. 

“Lindz, I will always love you. You are the mother of my first child and the only woman I have ever been with intimately. I will always love you…as my friend. But I’m in love with Justin and we are going to have a baby. It’s the type of love that you have for Melanie, can’t you understand that,” Brian asks cupping her chin, staring into her eyes. She looks at him for a second before turning and looking at Melanie then at me. She smiles slightly and nods her head. 

“Yea, I can. It’s just hard,” she says pulling away from Brian and burrowing herself into Melanie’s arms. 

“I know that you are hurting Lindsay, and I’m so sorry. But I didn’t do this to hurt you. It was a surprise to me as much as it was to the family. But I love you and Gus and it breaks my heart that I really haven’t gotten to see either of you. I miss both of you, all of you so much,” I say softly. She looks over to me and I can see the Lindsay I used to love reflecting in her eyes. 

“Can you ever forgive me Justin,” she asks softly. I think about it a moment before looking her in the eye. 

“I already have but it will take time to trust you again. You really hurt me, both of us.”

“I really am sorry,” she says quietly. 

“I know you are,” I say standing up walking toward her, reaching my hand out to her. She looks at me before looking down at my hand. She takes it in her own and I pull her up and into my arms. She clutches me against her body and I burry my head in her neck, crying with her. 

“You’ve gotten really big,” she says chuckling, pushing away from me. I laugh with her as I stare down at my bulging stomach. 

“Can I, can I touch her,” she asks hesitantly. I laugh softly and nod my head. I feel Brian come up behind me and wrap his arms around me, resting his hands on top of my stomach. I lean back against Brian, grabbing his thighs. Lindsay gently places her on my stomach and rubs it. She smiles slightly and begins moving her hands around. 

“How are you guys doing,” she asks. 

“We’ve been better. I can’t wait until this pregnancy is over,” I reply. 

“Me too,” Brian says. 

“But you’re both okay,” she asks. 

“Well, I have really high blood pressure and my pregnancy is high risk. Brian and I’ve already decided that I won’t have any more children,” I answer her. She nods her head in understanding before standing up and sitting beside Melanie. 

“So what have you bought,” Melanie asked changing the subject. We discuss all the things that we need to buy and the things that we already have. Brian stuck by his reasoning to buy only the best Italian baby furniture. I could see the sadness in Lindsay’s face when mentioning the new house we bought and all our plans for the baby but she quickly hid it. I know that she’s trying but I don’t know if I can trust her yet, it’s going to take some time. 

We talk for a little bit longer before deciding to go out for dinner and then continue with our shopping trip. When we get into the SUV, I breathe a sigh of relief that we have been able to resolve everything. 

“You okay,” Brian asks. 

“Yea, I’m happy that we’ve resolved that,” I say looking over at him. He smiles at me before starting the car and driving us toward our favorite little Italian restaurant. I lean back into my seat and smile, life couldn’t be better. 

Two Weeks Later

Brian’s POV

“Can you tell me again, why we are having this damn party,” I ask as our ‘family’ comes in one by one. 

“Because Brian, they wanted to throw us a baby shower and house warming party. Now stop acting like a child and suck it up,” Justin says smiling. 

“Twat,” I reply. I can’t help but smile at him as he waddles into the living room. Every day he seems to be getting bigger and sicker. We’ve had to up his dosage of insulin to four shots a day and his dizzy spells are becoming more frequent as well as his asthma attacks. I pray that when we go to the doctor on Monday that the baby’s lungs will have matured and the can deliver the baby early. I mean, I believe that it’s important to have the baby when THEY are ready but not at the expense of Justin. I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose him. 

The day all of our furniture arrived, I paid for the moving company to put everything where it belonged since Justin and I couldn’t move it by ourselves, especially since Justin is now eight and half months pregnant. I feel bad because with me being busy with Kinnetic, Justin has had to put everything away, which I think is doing more harm that good. He’s working to hard to get the house organized before the baby comes, but when I come out of my office or home from the office, he’s exhausted and more times than not, passed out in bed. I’ve asked him not to do anything but he insists on doing something other than sitting on his ‘big ass’ all day. The little shit has only put on 30 pounds during the entire pregnancy but he insists that he’s too fat. I think that he’s more beautiful than he ever has been, he just fucking glows and nothing that I say or do will change his mind. I think Michael had it right, we are going to have to get Justin into counseling to deal with the weight gain and the slow loss. I smile at that thought, thinking of my lover running on the treadmill trying to lose weight and going to counseling from the affects of pregnancy. 

“What are you smiling about,” Michael asks coming into the room. 

“Ah, just thinking that you were right,” I say laughing slightly. 

“Fuck, that’s a first. What am I right about?”

“That we are going to have to get Justin into counseling for his weight gain,” I say laughing. 

“I heard that FUCKER,” Justin yells from the living room. I laugh even harder at his words as I’m ushered by a laughing Michael into the living room. I walk over to red-faced Justin and kneel in front of him. 

“I’m just teasing,” I say softly. He tries to pout but his lips quirk up into a smile and soon he’s laughing too, tears rolling down his face. 

“Asshole,” he says gasping for air. 

“Yea, but I’m your asshole,” I say leaning up and kissing him. What began as a soft kiss gradually deepened and became more passionate. 

“They’re going to fuck right here,” Debbie yells, bringing me out of my lust filled haze. I lean back from the kiss and sit next to Justin, pulling him into my arms. 

“So what the fuck are we doing,” I ask in an irritated manner. 

“We’re celebrating, now shut the fuck up,” Debbie says smacking me in the back of the head before sitting down next to me. 

For the next hour, we go through all the gifts from the family. Justin and I had already bought the big things. We bought an Angelica round crib, armoire, and dresser with built in changing table, rocking chair, stroller, and of course the first outfit. I, of course, insisted that it be some sort of label. Justin and I argued about that for hours before I finally won by telling him that no child of mine was going to be leaving the hospital dressed in Gerber when they could be dressed in Armani; I guess he decided that it wasn’t an argument that needed to be fought because he conceded. Our family however, did manage to buy us clothes that will fit her up to twelve months, diapers, wipes, ointments, toys galore, diaper genie, and everything else a child that weighs less than ten pounds will need. Fuck a child needs a lot of shit, our entire living room is filled with all the baby paraphernalia. The only person who hasn’t given us a gift is Lindsay and Melanie. Although I don’t expect anything from any of the family, with the recent problems that we’ve had with her it concerns me that she hasn’t gotten anything for us. I stare hard at her as she smiles brightly at me before turning her attention to Justin. 

“Melanie and I got you a gift certificate to Babies R Us when you need to get more diapers because you will need tons of them. But our main gift is an offer if you would like to accept it,” Lindsay starts. I begin to wonder if she was telling the truth, is she really over her insane jealousy that she had/has over Justin. 

“What’s the offer,” Vic asks the question for us. 

“Well, I know that Justin had plans for decorating the baby’s room. With Justin and Brian’s approval, I would like to use Justin’s plans to paint the baby’s room.” I look over at Justin and his eyes are opened wide and his mouth hanging open. He closes his mouth a couple of times to say something but nothing ever comes out. I lean over and kiss his temple, letting him know that it’s up to him. I like the idea because the paint fumes aren’t good for Justin or the baby but I’m wary of the idea of Lindsay doing something so intimate for us. What if she fucks it up to hurt Justin, I don’t know if I can ever forgive her. 

“Wow, Lindsay. You really mean it,” Justin says astounded. I try to remain positive and believe that my long time friend is doing this because she loves us and not for her twisted jealousy.

“I would be honored if you would let me do this for both of you,” Lindsay replies sounding sincere. 

“I’d love that Lindsay,” Justin says with tears in his eyes. 

“Allergies,” I ask, trying really fucking hard to believe in the good intentions of others. But other than Justin, where the fuck has that ever gotten me?

“Damn hormones,” Justin grumbles, wiping his face. The room erupts in to laughter from his comment and he burrows farther into my arms, seeking my protection. I laugh softly at him as I pull him tightly against my chest.

“Where do you want these things,” Ted says standing. 

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll get it later,” Justin says leaning heavily against me. 

“No you will not. Justin you’re pregnant, you need to be relaxing not working,” Debbie orders. 

“Yes mom,” Justin mumbles into my chest, rubbing his face against me. 

“Tired,” I ask. He nods his head against me chest as he eyes droop closed. I rub his back comfortingly, soothing him to sleep. Everyone else seeing that he has fallen asleep quietly starts to gather the gifts and leave the room. I gently lower him to the couch and cover him with a blanket, gently kissing his forehead, I gaze down at my beautiful partner. 

“Bri, you want to show us the baby room,” Michael says, placing a hand on my shoulder. I nod my head before turning and leading everyone down the hallway to the nursery. The family starts placing everything into the adjoining room upon Lindsay’s direction and start moving all of the baby furniture out of the room for her. I want to talk to her before she starts this project; I have to make sure of her motives. I find my chance and hour later when everyone starts to gather their things to leave. I grab Lindsay and pull her aside, making sure nobody is around, I start to talk to her. 

“Why are you doing this Lindsay,” I ask. 

“What do you mean Brian?”

“Why are you offering to paint the nursery?” I ask her. 

“I told you, I want to do this for both of you,” her eyes getting misty. 

“Don’t fuck this up Lindsay because I won’t forgive you if you do,” I reply seriously. 

“I would never,” she said aghast. 

“Yes you would, what you did with Gus proves that you would do something to purposefully hurt Justin and/or me.”

“I’m sorry about that Brian, I already apologized. But I promise you that I will only do the plans that Justin has arranged.”

“Ensure that you do,” I reply before turning and walking off. I’m going to trust her but at the first sign of deceit I’m throwing her out of my home and life.


	5. Life Changes

One Week Later 

Justin’s POV

“So, we haven’t talked about baby names,” I say resting my head against Brian’s chest, his fingers combing through my hair. 

“I’ve thought about it,” he says, stilling his hands. 

“Yea?”

“I was thinking Mia. In Italian it means mine and this baby is mine, ours,” he says quietly. 

“I like that. I was thinking Nadia, it means hopeful in Slavic. ”

“Justin?”

“I was always hopeful that one day we would be together again,” I reply quietly. 

“How about Mia Nadia Taylor-Kinney?”

“You want our child to have my name,” I ask. I know that realistically the baby should have both our names but I always thought that Brian would insist that the baby would have only Brian’s name. 

“I want both of you to have my name,” he replies. I remember the paperwork that I had looked over and signed, I smile fondly at the memory, also remember the amazing sex we had after it. 

“Did you give the paperwork back to Melanie to file with the courts?” 

“Yes, it can take three to six months to be finalized,” Brian replies.

“Okay,” I reply quietly, trying to remain calm on the outside even though I’m doing the happy dance inside. Fuck my emotions are on a roller coaster, up and down, I just wish they would stay in one place. FIVE YEARS. Five fucking years we’ve been together and it seems that finally, FINALLY we’re in a committed relationship. Who would have thought that Brian Fucking Kinney in an exclusive relationship and nonetheless with the trick that never left. 

“How are you feeling,” Brian asks rubbing my back. 

“Like shit.” And I do, for the last week, I can feel myself getting weaker and weaker with everyday. I’m dizzier more often than not but at least I’m still able to get out of bed and take a piss without assistance. Brian won’t allow me to walk down the stairs though without his help, he says he’s afraid that I’ll fall stomach first down the stairs. Last week, they did the test on the baby’s lungs but it came back that the lungs still haven’t matured. I just want this damn child out of me; I can’t deal with it anymore. My heart is always beating like a fucking snare drum and it’s hard to catch my breath, I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I WANT THIS FUCKING BABY OUT.

“We’ll talk to the doctor again on Monday,” Brian says hugging me closer to him. 

“Yea,” I say non-committal. This baby isn’t coming out until she’s ready but what the fuck about me.

Three Days Later

Brian’s POV

“Justin,” I say quietly as he curls into a fetal position, gently rocking back and forth. 

“Go’ way,” he moans. I press the cool washcloth to his sweat soaked forehead, wishing that I could something more for him. 

“Brian,” he moans out my name. “Help.” He says trying to sit up but he’s moving from side to side, not able to get his balance. 

I quickly grab him around the shoulders and stir him to the bathroom. I don’t know how many times that I’ve done this in the last twenty-four hours. He’s not able to walk anymore without help, every time he tries to get out of bed he’s to fucking dizzy and he’s falling down every time I turn around. I’ve had to entrust Ted and Cynthia to run the agency because right now, I can’t leave Justin alone. He plops down on his knees and immediately starts to hurl into the toilet. I kneel down behind him and rub his back in soothing circles wondering when the fuck he’ll get a break. 

“No more,” Justin rasps. 

“Okay, let’s go,” I say trying to help him stand up. 

“No. No more Bri. I can’t do this anymore call the doctor. Get this fucking child out of me.” He demands, tears running down his face. 

“Justin the baby’s lungs aren’t ready,” I try to argue. 

“I DON’T CARE. I…I can’t do this anymore,” he cries, leaning back against me. 

“Okay, let me get you back to bed and then…then I’ll call the OB,” I say trying to sound calm but inside I’m panicking, wondering what the fuck is wrong. I gently lead him back to bed where he immediately curls around a pillow, crying as the tears run down his face. I grab the cordless phone off the hook, walk into the sitting area, and dial in the numbers. 

“Dr. Hammond’s office,” the receptionist answers. 

“Yes, I need to talk to Dr. Hammond.”

“I’m sorry but he isn’t in the office right now,” she replies.

“My partner is almost nine months pregnant and he’s been sick for the last two days. I need to talk to him, NOW,” I demand, my anger raging. 

“Can I have your number; I’ll page him and have him call you back within thirty minutes.” I quickly rattle off the number and hang up. I’m pacing back and forth in the sitting room, willing the phone to ring. 

“Brian,” Justin calls from the bedroom. I run into the room and see him trying to sit-up and failing miserably. 

“Justin just give me a second,” I say walking over to him. I grab him by the shoulders, pull him up against my chest, and hold him against me. As much as I can anyway. 

“Bath…” Justin starts but quickly covers his mouth, his face breaking out in a sweat. His skin feels cold and clammy to the touch and warning bells are going off in my head. He’s dry heaving now, having puked up the contents of his stomach about three trips ago, when the phone begins to ring. 

“Justin, I’m going to go get the phone,” I say quietly standing up from behind him but rest my hand against his back. He nods his head and grips the toilet seat tighter in his hands. I run to the phone and quickly answer it. 

“Dr. Hammond,” I ask. 

“Hi Brian, what’s going on with Justin,” he asks. I try to control myself but I can feel the tears coming to my eyes thinking about the pain that my lover is in. 

“For the last 36 hours he hasn’t been able to get out of bed without falling down. He’s throwing up every twenty minutes if that. He’s sweating continuously either he’s too hot or too cold. Please can’t we do something for him? He wants this baby out.” I say trying to control my breath.

“Bring him into the hospital, maternity ward. I’ll be waiting there for you,” he says hanging up. I throw the phone down on the sofa before briskly walking into the bathroom. Justin’s head is resting against the coldness of the toilet seat and he’s crying. HE WILL NOT HAVE ANY MORE CHILDREN.

“Come on Justin,” I say trying to help him up. 

“No want to stay here,” he says squeezing his eyes shut. 

“No Justin, we’re going to the hospital,” I say pulling him up and wrapping my arms around his waist. I try leading him down the stairs but after he staggers a couple of times, I decide to carry him down the stairs and to the SUV. I buckle him up as he tries to curl up in the seat. I run back up the stairs and grab a bowl for him to puke in and his hospital bag with everything that he and the baby will need. 

I speed through the streets trying to get there without killing us, when I see bright red and blue lights behind me. 

“FUCK,” I yell out. Justin is moaning, sweating profusely as I still the car. I drum my fingers against the stirring wheel, waiting impatiently for the cop to come to the car. 

“Do you know how fast you were driving,” the cop asks coming to the window. 

“Yes I do officer. I’m trying to get my partner to the hospital,” I reply. He looks across from me and sees Justin moaning and clutching at the door handle, the sweat beading down his face. 

“What’s wrong with him,” he asks. 

“I don’t know but his doctor said to bring him in,” I say anxiously. 

“I’ll lead you to the hospital,” he says running back to his patrol car. I watch as he turns on his lights and sirens and pulls out in front of me, moving the cars out of our way. It’s a fast five-minute trip to the hospital with the cop escort. I pull up in front of the ER entrance, jumping out of the SUV I yell for an orderly to bring me a wheel chair. Soon we have Justin out of the car and we’re wheeling him through the corridors toward the elevator that will take us to the maternity ward. 

“Justin Taylor,” I say when we reach the check-in desk. The nurse nods his head and begins to look through the admittance papers. 

“Here we are. I just need his signature for treatment,” he says trying to hand the papers to Justin. But Justin is pretty out of it at this point and I quickly grab the papers and scribble my signature. 

“And you are,” the nurse asks. 

“I’m his partner and his POA,” I sneer. Just get us the fucking doctor I scream in my head but I hold my tongue, biting the inside of my cheek. 

“Paging Dr. Hammond, your patient has arrived at the check-in desk.” I hear called out through the speakers. I stand beside Justin’s head and run my fingers through his sweat soaked head. We stand there for what feels like forever before I see Dr. Hammond come out from behind the large metal doors separating us from the hospital. 

“Come on Justin, we’re going to check you out,” he says grabbing the wheel chair and pushing him into the double doors. I quickly follow behind them as they wheel my partner into a private room. 

“Can you get into the bed Justin,” Dr. Hammond asks. Justin shakes his head and begins to dry heave. In a flurry, the doctor has nurses running into the room and helping Justin into the bed, machines attached to him, a neonatal monitor, a heart monitor for him, blood pressure, oxygen count, and many more tests. I just stand in the corner trying to stay out of the way, when all I want to do is to take him in my arms. 

“His blood pressure is 175/130, pulse-ox is 84, irregular heart palpitations,” one of the nurses says. 

“Call the OR, we need to deliver this baby,” Dr. Hammond ordered. The room is moving too fast and I can’t get my bearings. Where are they taking my partner and my child?

“Doctor what the fuck is going on,” I ask, panicking. 

“Brian, Justin’s blood pressure has gotten extremely high, we need to deliver the baby, or we could lose them both,” he says placing a hand on my shoulder. I’m shocked I could lose Justin. No, I can’t. 

“You better fucking save him,” I say through clenched teeth. He nods his head and stirs me in the direction of the OR room. We walk silently down the hallways until I reach a sterile room with closets and sinks. 

“Here put on these, I’ll have the papers for you to sign in just a minute. A nurse will bring them in,” he says before turning and leaving the room. I stare at the pale green scrubs for a couple of minutes before I start to hurriedly pull off my clothes and put on the disgusting scrubs. I start to pace the room waiting for them to come and get me. 

“Mr. Kinney, I need you to sign these consent forms. They are giving us permission to perform the C-Section, perform life saving measures, and take care of the child,” she explains. I quickly read the paperwork and sign my name on everything before handing them back to him. 

She looked over the paperwork before leaving the room; I stare at the closed door again before pacing all over the room. 

“Mr. Kinney please follow me,” an orderly comes into the room. I begin the long trek down the sterile hallways, remembering the last time that I was here. I almost lost Justin then and I could quite possibly lose him now. Please God, please let him be okay. When I get into the OR I see Justin laying on the table his hospital gown pulled up exposing his full stomach. I can see Justin’s head moving from side to side, tears running down his face, calling my name. 

“Brian,” he moans. I quickly walk to his side and run my fingers through his hair. 

“I’m right here Justin,” I say in a controlled whisper. I can’t let him hear the anguish in my voice, seeing him on an operating table is breaking my heart. I just pray that he’ll be okay. 

“Okay Mr. Taylor, I’m going to put this mask on your face and I want you to count backwards from one hundred,” the doctor says. As soon as Justin started to count, he was unconscious within five seconds. I watch as they put the breathing tube down his throat, I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes, I wish I could do this for him, take his pain away but I can’t so I set beside him and take his hand in my own. 

“Okay, gentleman were going to make the first incision,” Dr. Hammond says, I watch as they drape the sheet to block my view and soon the only thing that I concentrate on is the sound of Justin’s erratic heartbeat. 

Fifteen minutes later Dr. Hammond is congratulating me on my baby girl. 

“You want to cut the umbilical cord,” he asks. I nod my head tears running down my face as I leave Justin’s side and move toward our child. I grab the scissors and cut just right above the forceps. A nurse gently takes my daughter in her arms and wraps her in a blanket before handing her to me. I stare into my child’s beautiful face, memorizing all of her features. The nurse allows me to hold her for a couple of minutes before taking her from me. I swallow the lump in my throat as I see my beautiful child breathing on her own, Justin and I created her, God she is so beautiful, blond hair and blue eyes with olive colored skin. 

“He’s crashing,” I hear over my own thoughts. I turn back to see what they are talking about and hear Justin’s heart beat slowing down, I look at the heart monitor slowing down and I can feel the floor fall out beneath me. 

“NO,” I yell out. “Please God no,” I beg, as my knees give out and I fall to the floor. 

“Get Mr. Kinney out of here,” the doctor demands. A couple of orderlies come over to me, pull me to my feet, I struggle to free from their grasp but I can’t free myself. I can’t believe the last sight I had of Justin could be of him dying, again.

“Mr. Kinney is there anybody that we can call,” one of the nurses, ask me as the orderlies sit me down in a chair. I shake my head no; as I pull, my cell phone and press number three. 

“Michael,” I say with tears running down my face. “He might not make it…hospital,” I say before flipping the phone shut. The nurse leads me into a private waiting room where I sit down on the chair. I put my head in my hands and sob. I have never felt this helpless in the last four years.


	6. Life Changes

Two Days Later

Brian’s POV

I sit beside Justin’s bed, holding his hand in my own. 

“You have to wake up Justin. Our daughter needs you, I need you,” I say quietly. Two days since he went into heart failure and nearly died. He’s in a coma now from the high blood pressure and they are unsure of when he’ll wake up, if he does. 

“I’ve seen our little girl, she’s beautiful Justin. But you have to wake up to see her, I think she knows who I am but it seems that she’s searching for someone else, you. The sound of your voice and the beat of your heart, she was inside of you for so long and now you’re not there. God she looks so much like you blond hair, blue eyes. I swear if it weren’t for her olive skin, I wouldn’t think that she was mine. They let me hold her. She is so small but it was so fucking amazing. To know that Mia was inside of you, that we created her together. The nurses say that she cries a lot but when I’m with her, she is so calm and peaceful. She’s so fucking healthy too. I fell in love with her from the moment I saw her but I can’t do this without you Justin. You have to wake up, like you did four years ago. Please…” I can’t say anymore as the sobs rack my body. I lean my head forward to rest near his hand. I just want him to wake up; I just want him to be okay. 

“Brian?” I wipe my tears away before turning toward the door. 

“Yea Mikey,” I ask. 

“Why don’t we go get something to eat,” he suggests. I shake my head no, wanting to stay with my partner. 

“Brian, you need to stay strong for when he wakes up. You’ll be taking your sick partner and newborn home.” I want to shake my head no again but decide that it isn’t worth him busting my balls. I stand up and place a gentle kiss on Justin’s forehead before turning and walking out of the room with Mikey. Since calling Mikey two days ago, he, and the entire family have been with us, not leaving our side. I’m grateful for them being here, standing beside us, keeping me grounded. They’ve urged me to go home but I can’t leave my family here and go home to an empty house, an empty bed. 

“Hey Mia, how are you doing,” I ask sitting with my daughter after eating. I’m rocking her gently in the chair, staring down into her beautiful blue ocean eyes. 

“You’re daddy is still sleeping but I know that he wants to see you real bad. He’ll be here really soon. Do you realize how special you are to have two daddies that love you more than anything in this world? Well you are a very lucky little girl because you have both.” I silently stare at my beautiful angel, wondering if I can give her the world without her daddy. 

Two Days Later

“Brian he’s awake and asking for you,” Dr. Hammond says coming into the nursery. I gently place my daughter back in her crib before turning toward a smiling Dr. Hammond. 

“Really,” I ask not wanting to get my hopes up but too scared not to hope. He nods his head in the affirmative leading me out of the room. I can’t say anything because there is a lump in my throat, as we get closer to his room. 

“Where’s my baby, where’s Brian,” I can hear Justin crying from down the hallway and I pickup my pace as I near his room. 

“Please just tell me where they are, what the fuck are you trying to give me. No…” 

“Stop,” I say entering the room. The nurse pulls back from injecting him and Justin relaxes against the pillow but holds his hand out toward me. I quickly walk toward and take his hand in my own before pulling him into my arms. 

“Brian where’s Mia,” he asks sobbing. 

“She’s okay Justin, she’s in the nursery,” I say rubbing his back, he face visibly relaxes with the news and he nods his head in understanding. 

“Hi Justin, how are you feeling,” Dr. Hammond stepping up to the bed. 

“I feel better than I did yesterday,” he says. 

“What is the last thing you remember?”

“Being in bed, fucking sick,” Justin says. 

“Justin that was four days ago. We had to deliver the baby early because of your high blood pressure. You’ve been in a coma,” Dr. Hammond explains. “You’re heart stopped beating during the birth and we had to revive you. Your heart should be okay, your body was just stressed out from the baby.”

“Will I be okay,” Justin asks quietly. 

“Yes, we’ll monitor you for the next six months to make sure that you body returns to normal and your blood pressure decreases. Then if everything goes well then you’ll be free to live a normal healthy life.” Justin nods his head in understanding before pulling me into bed with him and curling into my side. 

“Brian you had him fix it where I can’t have anymore children, right,” he asks quietly. 

“Yes,” I say quietly. He nods his head against my chest.

“You’re going to be incredibly sore for the next couple of days. The incision and the tissue around it will be tender. You should have minimal scaring; we used an inside incision, zigzagged. After forty-eight hours if you are doing well you can go home,” Dr. Hammond explains. 

“Okay,” we both agree. He nods his head before turning and leaving the room. I hold Justin close against me, trying not to hurt him.

“I was scared,” I whispered against his soft blond hair. 

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly. 

“Not your fault. Just don’t fucking do it again.”

“I’ll try,” he replies. We lay in silence, comforting each other with the feel of our bodies pressed against each other.

“Brian I want to see Mia.”

“She’s probably sleeping right now but I’ll bring her in a little later okay?”

“What does she look like,” he asks. 

“Just like you; blond hair, blue eyes, beautiful. But she has dark skin like me. We make beautiful babies.” 

“Yea, well we won’t be making anymore,” He says, tears running down his face. 

“Hey, I don’t want you to have anymore children after what we went through. I can’t lose you Justin and if we can’t have anymore then that’s okay.”

“Okay.”

“Good. Now I want you to rest, so that you can go see our daughter.” He nods his head before kissing my chest softly and closing his eyes. What if one day we want another child, would I be able to carry that child for us. Fuck would I even want to?

Justin’s POV

Something brings me out of my deep sleep. I lay with my eyes closed; trying to figure out what woke me up when I hear it. I turn my head toward the sound and slowly open my eyes. Brian is sitting in a chair with his head in his hands, crying. 

“Baby, what’s wrong,” I ask hoarsely. He raises his head, his red teary eyes meeting mine. He shakes his head and wipes his tears away before moving to sit beside me on the bed. 

“Brian,” I prompt. 

“I just…really lost when I didn’t know if you were going to make it. It scared me. Then when I woke up with you in my arms, it was all too much. God Justin, I love you so much.”

“I love you too Brian. Come here,” I demand softly, pulling him into my arms. He gently rests his head against his shoulders, mindful of my tender stomach, and wraps his arms around my shoulders. I hold onto him as he regains his composure, calming himself down. 

“Bri, when can I see Mia,” I ask again. I want to see my little girl; I just want to see that she’s okay. 

“I’ll go get her now, okay,” he asks caressing my face. I lean into his hand; nuzzling the palm of his hand, I kiss it gently. 

“Thanks,” I reply softly. He turns and walks out of the room and I can feel my anticipation growing. I carried her around for eight long, sometimes pain full months and I’ve missed the first four days of her life. It hurts to know that I wasn’t “there” for her first breath, to see her beautiful blue eyes, to hold her in my arms. I talk a deep breath trying to calm my breathing; I don’t want to cry again, it seems all I have been doing for the last eight months is crying. I lean back into the bed and close my eyes, imagining what Brian must have looked like holding our daughter for the first time and it brings a smile to my lips. I still remember the day that Gus was born, seeing Brian hold him so tenderly, his face soft and so full of love. 

“Justin,” Brian says coming back in the room. I open my eyes and look over at him. In his arms, wrapped in a pink blanket is our beautiful child. I tenderly sit up, mindful of my painful incision. I smile at him and hold my arms out to him, he smiles brightly at me before coming over and gently placing Mia in my arms. I stare down into her beautiful blue eyes and I can feel tears welling up in mine. 

“God she’s beautiful,” I whisper, caressing her face. 

“Yea, she is,” Brian says lying down beside me. He wraps one of his arms around my shoulder and the other one around Mia, our fingers intertwining as we hold our child together. We quietly gaze out beautiful child, memorizing all of her features. I think back to the long road that we’ve had the pain that we have caused each other over the years, the separations, the fights, the angry words. The making up, the quiet talks and dinners, relaxing in the warmth of each other’s arms, the unwavering love that posses us, all of it leads us to this moment and if I had everything to do over again, I wouldn’t change anything. I have everything that I have ever wanted in my arms, wrapped securely in my partner’s strong embrace. 

“I love you Brian. I love our family,” I say looking up at him. He smiles at me gently before leaning down and kissing me softly, he squeezes me tightly in his arms. 

Brian’s POV

“I love you too Justin, both of you.” I realize that when this all began five long years ago that I never believed or allowed myself to think that I would be here in the end. I was a bachelor who loved anonymous sex, who had friends to love and care for, a child that he was able to see when it was convenient. Then this beautiful blond bombshell walked into my life and it has never been the same. I fought it tooth and nail but soon became accustomed to Justin being there, then wanting him there, and missing him when he wasn’t. I sometimes wonder what I’d be doing if I was still involved in my previous life but I then I realize that life changes; maybe not always for the better but when you least expect it, it can surpass you wildest dreams.


End file.
